Hate Me Now
by Demontailedfox
Summary: Natsu's point of view of while in confinement. As the Fire mage gets more aggressive, he realizes that a heavy depression is overwhelming him, eventually Lucy's feeling's gets hurt, but what is the initial reason of Natsu's change of personality? Natsu x Lucy also contains vulgar language. Slow fluff. And romance. And love.
1. Chapter 1

**Hate Me Now **

**Author:** Demontailedfox

**Summary:** Natsu Point of view of confinement, As the Fire mage gets more aggressive, he realizes that he becomes more depressing in the long run, eventually Lucys feeling's gets hurt, but what is the initial reason of Natsu's change of personality?

Natsu x Lucy also contains vulgar language.

Slow fluff. And romance. And love.

**Note 1: **This story will contain OOC personalities**, **Sorry about that! But it's all part of the story!

**Note 2: **At times, you may feel that Natsu is a bitch within the story but its all part of the progressive plan, I apologize again!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from Fairy tail!

**Chapter 1 – Arguments upon Arguments **

"**Natsu Dragneel**!"

"What…do you want from me now?" he grouchily moaned in displeasure recognizing the irritating voice of the one and only...

"Enough is enough! Tell me…tell me why!?" The blonde mage was more than frustrated, she was pushing to his limits again whilst eliminating the feelings of anxiety. "Why have your acts become so bloody selfish!?"

**Lucy Heartfilia. **

"Dear God, Lucy Heartfillia… are you…. still here to annoy me?" he vigorously grunted. "I have no reason to tell you why or what happened, neither do I have the motive to talk, so stop bothering me as I will now take my leave now _princess_"

"NO, you will not leave until you give me a full answer!" The blonde mage stood in his way while judging each and every movement of his, intercepting his steps as a few collateral chest bumps were exchanged.

A pause of silence. The wind blew past steadily as the trees murmured as if they where mimicking humans at which they do best: Eavesdropping and chattering. It wasn't really a suitable place for problem solving as the park was a bit populated by family members and children.

Natsu clutched his head with one arm trying to retain a part of his consciousness, and indeed the couple of beverages at the fairy tail bar didn't help either. "And if I don't, what will you do?" he tilted his head onto one side smirking at the simplistic thoughts and acts from the fearless young Heartfilia.

The celestial mage rested both of her arms on her hips whilst initiated a pouting rant of some sort. They both knew that they weren't going anywhere anytime soon as difficulties were deployed.

"Exactly, you find yourself feeble don't you? Quite frankly, I can't even make out why I even brought you to the guild from the first place!" The pink haired mage sighed, what on earth was he even thinking at that particular time? Of course, he was silly and young back then, but still, she was weak and light as a feather. How did he never falter to think of regretting to bring such a person to the strongest guild in magnolia?

"I am not weak!"

"Dear Ms Heartfilia, how many times have I saved your life from countless acts that were prepared by your wrong-doing and thoughtless actions?" he tiredly murmured as he rubbed his eyes constantly to show his direct exhaustion.

Lucy had hesitated to speak as she knew that she, herself was troublesome when it came to strategic countering as well as battling. But it wasn't her fault that she was poorly trained in hand to hand combat. Although she mostly relied on the strength of her celestial spirits, her courage and endurance deemed worthy to be a Fairy tail mage.

"Yet, I again win in this argument and so I will say _adios" _muttered Natsu as he slowly trudged backwards.

"I don't understand...you were always joyful where ever you go but now you're nothing but a depressing **shitface**!" Lucy shouted as she began to shed tears.

The fire mage had instantaneously stopped walking, he shuddered in relentless agony as he took hold of himself. Large quantities of air were being inhaled and exhaled at the same time to keep himself calm. Natsu had turned around as his eyes grew larger than before, his gaze grew deeper into the sight of the young celestial mage.

"Depressing shitface? Really Lucy? you know that vocabulary can only be used within your little novels, there's no use of them in the battlefield is there? after all… you are asking for a fight right?"

The blonde mage cowered over the salamander as the guy who once used to be her best friend towered over her, she wiped most of her tears off as she squeezed her eyes shut desperately to get this argument over and done with. Lucy had known what would have happened next as she readied herself from the notorious bellow from the Dragonslayer.

"No, I'm not looking for a fight" she stammered and remained at her personal position stepping up to him.

"Your attitude tells me something different though?" he clucked his knuckles forth and back. As he finished his menacing gesture he placed both of his hands into his pockets whilst leaning his metallic face onto the petite blonde, it was most likely that he was mocking her at the time as she hid her eyes beneath her gold coloured fringes.

**SLAP!**

The salamander felt a sharp sting across his face, the static shock had crept up to him after a second or so. Oh was he mad now, actually he was more than _that_, personally enraged you could say, furious, **irrepressible**. He would of never thought that she would have the guts to bitch slap him right at this particular moment, especially when his mood was already down in the rain. Fuck his mind, he was fully awake now.

Lucy had done it now, never had she intended to slap him_ that_ hard, both of her hands retreated covering her mouth, more tears shed rapidly. Her body was shivering due to fear, the fear of Natsu internal rage and corruption. She was going through an unhealthy mental state of some sort of breakdown.

He raised his arm slowly clenching his fists into a tight ball, slowly the flames emitted while it had inter combined with each other forming a clasp of heat and energy. The fire mage had swung his arms forward as it eventually closed nearer and nearer onto Lucy's face.

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"I…I wont hurt you…. I'm….. sorry, please don't take any notice of what I had just said earlier on, I'm j-ju-ust …Just…" He paused for a second "just feeling gloomy today, that's all.."

She raised her head up and nodded at him showing that she understands him.

"You are a fool…. I don't understand, I could of knocked you out cold there, why didn't you move out of the way?" he questioned her with some sort of curiosity though tension was rising once again. "Why must you always **be** in the way?" his voice grew a step louder "Do you think I have become insane? You are not my Guardian or my doctor so there is no reason to help **me**!"

The blonde mage fell to the ground on her knees, her arms dangled upon the rough surface of the tarmac. She spoke softly. "You are far from becoming insane, I thank you for not returning the violence. Your still the same old Natsu who doesn't hurt friends, but the fact that your personality has changed over the past month is -"

"**Frightening!?** Odd? Wrong? Can I not be who I really **am? **My **true** self!?" he interrupted her.

"**NO**! This is not your true form! It can't be!" she retorted quickly.

"**AND WHAT IF IT IS!?**"

She sobbed harder this time, only to feel the heat immersed by the Dragonslayer. "It's true, I am no doctor, I am not a nurse, In fact, I have no relative history of helping anyone at all with any injuries… however I do have a reason to help you!"

She paused as she lifted her head only to observe the pink haired mage whom at that time was skyscraping over her. The celestial mage pushed herself of the floor and regained her initial posture as she lifted her arm to wipe the tears off of her face.

She pointed at him "You are still my **Nakama**!"

Natsu was bewildered by the statement made forth from Lucy, he palmed his face as he clutched onto his temples reverently. "I guess I shall be expecting what shall be expected from you then" he spoke softly while turning away heading of to his home.

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_Lucy's home (Lucy POV)_

Another day had passed like that, each and every moment, there would not be a single harmonious celebration within the guild, heck, it was because of _him_ that the guild had always partied. Ever since then…wait… ever since what exactly? It was unknown of what reason had made Natsu so calm, it was probably started a month ago that people began to realize that he was becoming less and less enjoyable. His inertia was half of what it was before.

Lucy sighed in depression, she missed his cheerful presence of which promoted the atmosphere in whatever conditions they were in. The grin of that Dragonslayer was addictive, it was a white pure smile. The blonde mage clenched her teeth and loosened her side of her mouth as she tried to imitate that grin, although she knew she couldn't, it was just fun to do so as it acted as a reminder of him.

As she walked over to the windowsill, she pondered on the dramatic changes within the past few months, it was unnoticeable at first but soon the outcome was pretty serious. Such consisted of Natsu's disappearance over the weekends, soon after, the team began to take less missions onboard. At one point, Natsu even declined to join one of the jobs leaving me, Gray and Erza alone to partake the assignment. It was a pretty dark day for team Natsu.

But what on earth happened to Natsu?

The guild was troubled by Natsu, almost immediately did they begun to question Natsu at every moment they could, and of course, the fire mage was irritated at them. He answered simply that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. '_My ass'. _His lies toppled over each one as it did not fit the structure of the puzzle. The master even interviewed him in his office privately and when he came out, 'Makarov' told us all that Natsu wouldn't budge. Shortly after, Gray got pissed and stepped up to him, a fight broke out and not even the mighty Erza could stop him. Literally, it wasn't one of those pissy 'I mock you while you mock me fights'. It was merely fight to death and I could tell you that Gray was close to suffering a blackout until Gildarts stopped the whole unnecessary brawl.

Never had anyone seen Natsu fight so seriously against one of his teammates, blood poured out of each other's fist. It was unnatural to see blood as the horror crept up to most of the guild members thoughts. Gajeel ignored the fight but remained silent as usual until a surge of remote sympathetic considerations took place within their heads through the Dragonslayer telepathy. Both grunted at each other.

The Dragonslayer had abandoned the distraught guild for the rest of the day. No one said a word. Levy came over to give me a hug and told me not to worry, Juvia would try to give Gray first aid but he vigorously denied the pain and any help of some sort. Mira with a common standard of being cheerful did the best that she could to place things back to normal. It was a disaster

I cried hopelessly as I couldn't bear to watch two of my Nakama fight each other. I wept as half the guild members growled at him. I hated myself for being so useless, that I couldn't stop the fight. That I was so weak. That I couldn't protect Gray. That…That …That I loved **Natsu Dragneel**!

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"I will change you back Natsu…. I'll do whatever it takes…"

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By the way, I created this story as I saw so many cliché novels of either Lucy being kicked out if the team and becoming evil or whatnot. So, I tried to change the perspective of Natsu being the one to change here to liven things up.

Hope you enjoyed reading! Review if you liked it! (Or not)

Demontailedfox


	2. Chapter 2

**Hate Me Now **

**Author:** Demontailedfox

**Summary:** Natsu Point of view of confinement, As the Fire mage gets more aggressive, he realizes that he becomes more depressing in the long run, eventually Lucys feeling's gets hurt, but what is the initial reason of Natsu's change of personality?

Natsu x Lucy also contains vulgar language.

Slow fluff. And romance. And love.

**Note 1: **This story will contain OOC personalities**, **Sorry about that! But it's all part of the story!

**Note 2: **At times, you may feel that Natsu is a bitch within the story but its all part of the progressive plan, I apologize again!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from Fairy tail!

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**Chapter 2 – For what is uncared for. **

The vast sapphire sky, where the waters dribble around the Magnolia, you could of guessed it was raining. Though, it wasn't that kind of rainfall, neither light nor hard but rather depressingly continuous. It sustained a quiet form at first but it now appeared to be ear deafening. Lucy for one couldn't stand it anymore longer, the boredom had got her as usually around these days Natsu, the happy one would visit her and entertain her or at least keep her company until the rest of the night although he would be presently snoring under Lucy's bed covers by then.

The blonde mage sighed, there was no sign of Happy, Erza or even Levy coming to stopover. She leapt onto her bed grabbing hold of her pillow whilst pummeling her face first onto the soft fluffy cushion.

"I guess…I'm quite bored for once.."

She had a moment of thoughts of what errands she had to do, however none of them felt important and while she had a discouraging temper on her mind, she really couldn't be that bothered. Writing her novel was rather troublesome, the writers block had made an apparent appointment with her and too was it frustrating to run out of the so called 'imagination'. The next solution was a suggested proposal of calling out her celestial spirits, nevertheless, it was bothersome to choose which spirit to choose from. In the end the blonde mage threw her pillow away from her bed onto the ground. It was wearisome.

Though, her minds were only intrigue at one certain objective and that was the promise she made last night. You could definitely say that her mind was on him right now, it was clearly to obvious. She sat up and raised her eyebrow "really? Lucy you idiot, you want me to actually go visit him?" she told herself. As frightening as it seemed, yes, supposedly it was the imaginary 'inner Lucy who had figured of this preposterous idea.

"I'm not going out in that rain"

'Oooooh yes your are!'

"Nope, you can't control me"

"Says who"

'yourself'

She chuckled, never had it been so fun to talk out loud within the bedroom to her self before, the experience was enjoyable yet entertaining at the same time And of course, it was getting rather silly but it had killed a partial of the unwanted time. But she had made up her decision afterwards. She would of hope she can fulfill her initial promise.

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_Natsu's house. _

The blonde haired maiden had just arrived through wet and windy conditions, she had fully worn a cotton jacket and blue rough jeans. Her umbrella had accompanied her onto the hazardous journey, she had fell onto the ground a couple of times thought out the course of getting into the dreaded forest. Unfortunately, the stellar mage had managed to scrape her knee along the rocky path way after slipping upon the slick surface.

There, in the middle of the forest had she struggled to limp across the pathway, the blonde mage obliterated the thoughts of returning back to her apartment and still persevered within the journey. She was breathing in and out remotely hard, second by second the blood had poured onto her left side of her jeans whilst staining within the process. She swore at herself as her second most favored jeans were tarnished.

At the arrival of Natsu's home, Lucy had knocked on the door consecutively twice however, no one answered. 'Was there even anybody at home?' There, Lucy Heartfilia stood grasping onto her knee hoping the pain would go away soon. To help the encouragement of the distraction from the pain, the stellar mage had dug her fingernails on the side of the wound. It was to be exact 'like hell'

"**Natsu!" **she yelledin the need of urgency.

Still no answer, yet the winds were becoming fiercer and fiercer, the rain had pelted down onto the stellar mage's jacket with a considerable amount of force. It was more or so becoming like Hailstone.

"**Happy!** Are you there!? Is anyone there?"

The Blonde mage felt the sharp sting from the incoming rain as it too had located her right knee which to be exact was bleeding ridiculously fast. Lucy couldn't hold the pain anymore longer as at once she hammered down on the door with her petite fist. Still no response…

Lucy fell on the floor her other knee, the soreness had got to her, tears of grief strolled down with the incoming rain.

"Naaattsuuu…." The stellar mage had yelped quietly, maybe there was really no one at home. She had forsaken herself to be in this situation, maybe this was a sign of some sort?

This was until the door had opened. There stood the young Dragonslayer whom was staring down upon the celestial mage. Difficulties has arrived as you could imagine. There he slowly rubbed both of his temples in neglected way.

"Why…are you here Lucy!?"

"Natsu!" she quickly responded.

"Didn't I tell you to stay away from me!?" he stammered.

"Natsu…" the blonde mage raised her head as her fringes covered a partial of her tears, not that it could be seen anyway due to the rain. She had hoped Natsu would have changed by then, except she was mistaken.

The Fire mage had frowned at her as he demanded to know he answer "Well? What are you doing here?"

"I-im J-just here to visit you" she spoke softly without any utter content, the depression within her soul and mind was overtaken by the inferior speech by Natsu. You would have thought he would of instantly welcomed you in to his house in this kind of weather...

The Dragonslayer walked away leaving his front door open as Lucy worked out that it was some sort of gesture of welcoming. The stellar mage grimly rose from the doorstep, she was on her tiptoes as she had clutched the side of her knee. Slowly, she limped across Natsu's living room as she gritted her teeth before finally falling onto the sofa releasing every bit of stress within her.

"Close the door behind you."

The celestial mage was in a wide shock, couldn't he see her pain!? The blood was still flowing from side to side and yet, he still wanted her to persevere with the throbbing!? She looked at him in despair, but he raised his eyebrow_. Natsu was being serious… _Regrettably, Lucy had once again ascended towards the opened door. The sharp sting had jolted her rest of her body as the torn clothes had shifted from side to side touching a part of her raw flesh.

"N-natsu… D-do you have a first aid kit?" Lucy stuttered

"In the bathroom, behind the door, left cabinet top shelf." He instructed clearly, it was a sign that he wasn't to

The blonde haired mage was in distress, she had really wanted to cry by now. As she hobbled across the floor to the bathroom, she had yet stumbled upon the floor, the impact was not as harsh as before due to the carpet breaking her fall but it would have left a mark or at least some sort of bruise in the morning.

By then, you would have thought Natsu would have helped her, well you have thought wrong. The blonde haired mage gradually got up but now crutching her own arm. She looked at Natsu who looked at her with some sort of curiosity. He knew she was expecting some sort of comfort or at least a reply to the current situation.

"What are you staring at?"

"N-nothing!" retorted the stellar mage as she quickly returned back to her own mind. Soon, the stellar mage returned with the first aid kit as she cleaned most of the blood out from the injury. Gradually, Lucy had finished wrapping her bandages around her knee.

After placing back the First aid kit, both mages had sat there in the living room in quietness. Lucy sat on the floor as Natsu barged most of sofa mimicking a motion of sleepiness. Lucy for one felt awkward, she gazed intently at the fire mage only to be ignored as he turned his body sideways.

"Am…I really **bothersome **to you…Natsu?"

The Salamander had tried ignore her, but had shown a slight sorrow within his eyes. He himself knew that if he had interacted with the blonde wizard at anytime, she would return to her annoying and persistent figure. In reality, the Fire mage did slightly care for the petite girl, he had hoped things would go according to plan, that if he had ignored her, maybe she would of given up on hope with him. But alas there was no avail.

"…."

"I can see in your eyes that really you are a nice and gentle person Natsu, is it so hard to return to your previous state? Even if you had to act?"

"Why should I?" Finally a reply.

"If you returned to your original form, everyone would be happy again…" she stated

"But what does happiness accomplish?"

"Natsu! What's wrong with having happiness, you yourself used to be happy and you enjoyed every bit of it!"

"That, I presume was me before, not the current state of "Natsu" which is what has become of me now"

"But you can always change!"

"But what if I don't like a **Change**!?"

"Do it for the guild Natsu! If not…..then do it for me!

"What!? Who are **you** to **me** anyway!?"

The stellar mage was taken aback by the very statement but soon reverted back to normality. She had kept quiet and released her persistent personality back to restoration upon the argument.

"Why do we always get into this **fricking** argument anyway!? It's the same old same old!" Natsu howled at her "You! Lucy Heartfilia is the most irritating bitch I have ever met!"

The blonde haired mage had to resort to weeping …again. She was breathing and sniffing in more than ever, the pain in her leg had resided and instead had entered her heart. She was more than frustrated, she told herself that she wasn't going to cry anymore, not in front of Natsu anyway. The stellar mage's anger had risen, her fists were clenching onto the carpet floor.

"And you **MR** are the most uncaring **asshole** in the world! No! not even that, you're the most inadequate **prick** in the entire universe!" Lucy stressed out.

The Fire mage frowned at her recoil of response. Her temper was increasingly higher than his and hers were still expanding at that particular moment.

"Firstly, I was bleeding and you didn't seem to give a **monkeys** about it in the world! Secondly, the weather out was so chaotic, you didn't even give me friendly any welcome, Thirdly, you were being an **ASS** for not helping me!" she shrieked.

"Hey! You're the one who wanted to come and visit, and by the way! I never welcomed you in! I just left the door open! Natsu bellowed.

"Fine! If you want me to, I can always leave!"

"Wait there you idiot!" the Fire mage had leapt from his spot suddenly snatching hold of the blonde mage's arm pulling her towards him.

"Where the hell are you going at this time of day! Look at the bloody weather you stupid!"

"I'm not staying here with you, you **insolent** bastard!" she retorted.

The fire mage hastily wrapped his arms around the stellar mage, although it was an involuntary act from himself, he decided to agree with actions that his own body had performed. "I'm not going to let go of you". Even though he earlier had felt ill-tempered, he was ashamed to see Lucy become injured again, after all, it would be his fault, right?

"Why do you always do this.." she cried "Do you care or do you not….I'm useless at this aren't I? "

Natsu understood that the rhetorical question was not to be answered.

The Celestial mage had soon became drowsy towards the warmth of Natsu, gradually did they began to descend towards the carpet floor, the fire mage had held on tightly before slowly releasing the grasp as he finally could relax due to Lucy's slumber. There, they sat before both mages dozed off to their enticing dreams.

"I hate you so much" The stellar mage whispered in his ear.

"The feeling's… mutual…" he muttered "The feeling's mutual…"

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Well this chapter wasn't as dark as before, if you are disappointed, I try to make Natsu really bitchy in the next chapter! If it's too Dark, then I suppose I can make him less dark of what is of now.

It was (lets be honest) rushed. I apologize again!

If you have any complaints feel free to review! Or Pm me, either way will do!

Demontailedfox.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Hate me now**

**Author:** Demontailedfox

**Summary:** Natsu expressing his hate and repulsive attitude towards Lucy heartfilia.

Natsu x Lucy, contains vulgar language. Slow fluff. And romance. And love.

**Note 1: **This story will contain OOC personalities

**Note 2: **At times, you may feel that Natsu is a bitch within the story but its all part of the progressive plan, I apologize again!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything from Fairy tail.

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**Chapter 3**

**To think that you wouldn't save me**

Throughout the course of even participating within the most dangerous mission ever, you would say, I would like to reject. But of course, this was a different scenario for Fairy Tail's strongest team. When it came to their minds, their strength increased to unexpected expectations and would therefore beat the living hell out of the enemy or who ever it was in the way. However, the question murmured around if 'team Natsu' was still viable, their cooperation may have altered due to infamous fight.

"Could Team Natsu sustain throughout the mission?"

It had been over a month since the last time Team 'Natsu' had journeyed upon a mission, it was indeed difficult for all the members to cooperate after the last incident where Natsu and Gray had brawled. Erza, finally leaving the hospital remained as normal as ever giving the high thumbs up to Lucy and demanded that they sorted out the relationship between them.

When asked if both would go on a mission together just for old time's sake, both opposed and ignored everyone who tried to convince them. That was until master arrived and commanded them both to cooperate or else both would be kicked out of the guild for good. Arguments were thrown onto the opposition but after a short period, both reluctantly agreed to participate on the request.

The request was mediocre or so it seemed yet, it had a high sum of reward, all they had to do was to chase a couple of bandits and highly skilled murders with high bounties around the town.

_Train station _

As all of the members had arrived, all four had stayed still and quiet. The awkwardness slithered around their minds. Erza, being the bravest had decided to direct a speech of mere conference but was ignored by both males. Lucy smiled and showed the scarlet maiden her gratitude situating that everything should go okay (hopefully).

As when all the members departed from Magnolia station, everyone had found their initial seats and sat down. Gray sat on the opposite side of the carriage way whilst Natsu took a seat on the other side nearest to the windowsill. His actions were merely calm, not the usual Natsu you would see. His boredom could be seen all around his face and you could see that he wasn't to be taken lightly.

The journey was remotely silent, every now and then would Gray and Natsu peek at each other. Lucy for one was bothered about Natsu's motion sickness, the fact that there were no signs or symptoms coming from the Dragonslayer was unusually strange. Throughout the course of the first hour of traveling, the stellar mage had indefinite thoughts concerning the fire mages health and mentality. Although everyone in the guild was desperate to know on how and what made Natsu mature, Lucy was probably the most distracted out of them all.

The stellar mage was most uncertain about questioning the fire mage, like all of the other times, frequent quarrels where made within the process of having a conversation with him. Even though the celestial mage was frightened to ask, her 'never give up' personality influenced her to carry on with the indulged situation between him and her.

"Natsu, I know I've asked you this plenty of times and you'll probably hate me for it" she murmured.

"What is it?"

"Why did you suddenly become so …. or how… I don't want to hint the word depressive but…Down right mature?"

"No reason" he shrugged, leaning back onto the windowsill staring out in the open Greenland.

"Surely, you must have one?" the stellar mage queried.

"Why don't you accept me for who I am? You, for one used to be a spoiled _brat _princess until your Mother died in which your father pushed you to your limits."

A pregnant silence pushed on, the stellar mage had been hurt by his words. The thoughts of her mother passing was absolute unnecessary. Every time anyone would mention about her mother, she would back down and deprive any feelings or at least try to.

"That's exactly why I changed! If it wasn't for my family situation, I would never be with you or with fairy tail!" the girl stood up leaning his face towards the fire mage. "And by the way, I never acted spoiled within that mansion, I always took things for granted!"

The Dragonslayer peered at her for a split second and returned gazing back at the country life and acted if nothing had just happened.

"Are you **Deaf** Mr Dragneel!? Is it because of Igneel? Are you worried that you'd never find your precious woo woo daddy again!?" Lucy erupted.

"**What!?**" The fire mage stammered in surprise of Lucy's response.

"Is that why you've changed!?"

"That's none of your business" he scoffed.

"Are you a **retard** you **moron**!? It is my business, you're my friend! My Nakama!"

"Quite frankly, you're the one making a **moron** of yourself by yelling out in front too all of these passengers here" He interrupted.

Lucy blushed as the embarrassment was literally so tedious, some of the people were whispering, some sniggering and fake coughing. The celestial mage immediately apologized and sat back down hiding her face between a few brown blankets. Her embarrassment flushing away her anger.

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**Scene of battle **

As the battle raged on between the four members, they were surrounded by the professional bandits whom much had a high bounty. The cocky gangsters grinned at each other and laughed at the pathetic young mages.

As Erza sought out her armory, Gray had sent a couple or ice shards across the field distracting the others momentarily. Natsu had already gone on a rampage and had made a bloody mess out of one of the weaklings in which seemed to anger the others. The fire mage roared at the charging group burning most of their clothes but that didn't stop them at all.

The battle lit up as it remained stalemate for a certain period until more enemy support had arrived, they were already outnumbered and yet they had to face even more? The stellar mage breathed in and out heavily, her magic levels were running ridiculously low. Erza still had enough and had managed to stay within her suit of armour. Gray had fallen onto the ground as he clutched onto his knee for support do to his previous injury from the brawl between him and Natsu. Almost everyone was tired with the exception of Natsu, right now, it was only the fire mage holding off the large assembly. It seemed that the fight would never end.

Within time, Erza had been injured by the countless number of weak attacks in which had built up from time to time. Gray was suffering from blood loss but it wasn't that much of a great deal as he froze parts of his injuries with his ice magic. Lucy sought out Loke for help and instead of using her magic, they both decided that the Leo the lion would use his own instead, which in the meantime helped the celestial mage with her magic regeneration.

At the current circumstances, things were getting out of hand now. Lucy had emerged as she found a small partial amount of magic power somewhere within her. The stellar mage raised her hand with the golden key, and yelled out loud. It was only momentarily before she realized that she didn't have enough to summon anyone or any who. The blonde mage cursed herself as more bandits approached her with wide grins on their faces. The celestial mage backed down and looked at Erza and Gray who were still out of the game, only was it till then she intently stared at the Dragonslayer hoping that he would aid her.

"You deal with it!" he yelled.

The blonde mage gasped and tripped onto the floor, she was now inspecting the past few seconds, and did she hear him right!?

"Natsu?"

"_I'm busy Lucy_" the stellar mage frowned in disgust as she was horrified upon Natsu's tone.

"**NATSU!?**"

The girl was more than perplexed at the sight of Natsu's ignorance, did Natsu not really care for her safety anymore? Has he really changed that much since before!?. The bandits had approached her with a perverted appearance, sizing up her bust and whatnot. The blond shrieked in the course of displeasure. Their greasy hands slowly reaching out onto the smooth skin and her silky hair. The feeling of being touched, tainted or stained circled around Lucy's head.

"You freaks! Get away from her!" Ice shards had been shot out of nowhere, the raven haired fellow had sharply aimed towards they bandit men, pushing them back onto the floor away from Lucy.

And so the fight continued.

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They had trapped Natsu now with some sort of bionic casting spell which had interrupted Natsu's magic channel. The four other members gazed at the defenseless salamander, neither of them could move from their initial spot. The enemy finally had the chance to intercept and go in for the kill as he launched himself and cordless weapon onto the target.

The starless celestial mage fixed her eyes on the situation, Natsu was indeed going to suffer from such an attack, the fact that he was immobile at that time was heart aching to everybody's sight. The blonde mage yelled incoherently at him, hoping he would at least dodge or even do something at that time "NATSU!"

Even though the fire mage purposely did not save her, she still cared about him.

The stellar mage had used all of her strength to raise herself as she jumped onto fire mage grasping tightly onto his body. She was prepared to shield her him with her own fragile body. The fire mage howled at her, screamed and bellowed "LUCY! **GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!**". She didn't budge as she ignored him. The wide eyed fellow members on the side ranted upon the situation.

Slowly, the stainless sword pierced into the pure flesh slicing and twisting once inside, the crimson blood poured onto the dirt sloppily, splattering at every destination the pure liquid could reach onto. They shed tears, half of them astonished. The wretched fight had enraged the others. A silent pause of hesitation accompanied with a scream from the ravenous vultures. It was truly vile.

The blonde haired mage looked at the dark shaded eyes of the salamander, no response. Her eyes gradually looking down onto the chaos. Her mouth opened widely but no words could describe the sudden atrocious sight left by the fire mage.

Tears fell on the bloody ground, ripples formed on the surface.

An unpleasant sight…

He smiled and gave his signature grin "_Heh…. didn't I tell you that you're weak? I saved you again Miss Heartfilia….Be…Gratef_-….."

It had seemed that Natsu had enough stamina to exchange their positions, it was now the fire mage protecting her and not the other way around. The sword had penetrated through his ribs, not hers'. It was he who saved her life countless of times and not the other way around. _It was he, who would die for her…_

The fellow teammates rose, their anger growing upon the injured Nakama, the fire left by the pink haired mage was sustained by the unrelenting force of trust between the friends of Natsu Dragneel. The squad invited their insidious rampage. There was a hint of sadness and sorrow but was mostly covered up with anger, even the Ice mage was distressed.

And so, they took their revenge.

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_Nearby Hospital_

Team Natsu had beaten the opponents once again, however this time it was costly to an extent. The team had been sent to a nearby hospital, they were all treated as the fatal injuries soon where covered up in bandages with the exception of the fire mage. Natsu had to undergo a lengthy and extensive operation.

As he had done it again, the Dragonslayer had saved her yet another numerous amount of times upon this mission So far, it was really impossible to count how many times she was saved over the course of the year. Most intriguing of all was Natsu would always be there to lend a hand even if he was barely alive.

The blonde mage would start crying and would yell at herself for being so useless, she would hide in her own room after every particular mission and would slap herself silly until the dormant emotion called 'depression' arrived to haunt her. Being a celestial mage and all, she would have thoughts of how useless her power was, that of course using keys to summon celestial spirits.

For almost eternity, she dreamt of wanting to rely on herself instead of her spirits and teammates, she wanted to be in the action but her own body denied such violent events. Particularly, it would be her teammates taking most of the damage and above all that Lucy would jump herself right in the middle of the battle to fight only to be captured and held hostage. At that point, she knew she was a bad contribution to the team, much to her concern, the blonde mage would only think how the 'brand image" of Fairy tails most strongest team would have been defiled by the likes of the enemy.

"Smile, Lucy" He would used to grin at her energetically on the battlefield even when his life was held on the line. He was an idiot but that quote alone was what gave Lucy the strength to rehab upon the damage she had taken. That was until everything went blank…

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Salty tears dripped onto the mattress, the room was silent, the only sounds that could be heard were the clock's annoying tick-tock and the pitter-patter from the rain. Shivers of darkness surrounded the room until a blink of respiration awoke itself to the realm of existence.

She miraculously awoke from her slumber, the celestial mage was confused not knowing how much trauma she was in. Countless of flashbacks upon the memory of Natsu's body being thrusted by the piece of shrapnel repeatedly took over her mind, she screamed in agony feeling the pain for the fire mage. Stab, rewind, stab, rewind, stab and rewind. The pain furiously jolted inside her ribs over and over again.

"_He cant die on me right? He's the salamander! The strongest of all! He cant die on me just like that, right?…I am right… Right?!" _

She forced herself to believe that he was alive, unfortunately, the lack of evidence around the room enforced the other opinion, this was the only judgment that she cannot and will not believe in. That belief was the principle of a dead Natsu…

She scrambled off her bed as she hurled herself towards the ground ready to search for him.

"Woah little missy, you're not suppose to get out of bed!" The nurse blocked her way from the room's only entrance "You need some rest or that wound will open up again!"

Lucy, being ignorant did not listen to the Nurse's instructions. Before she knew it, she was frantically opening every door from left to right while receiving a few complaints as well as some use of exaggerated language. One by one she would lose faith as the end of the corridor began to shorten.

_Room 101_

With her last hope, as she opened the remaining door that would lead to either pain and misery or happiness and victory. Inch by inch the door creaked as if it exaggerated the tension between false hope. The Blonde mage took a step forward as she inspected the room.

There, in front of her sat the disgusted fire mage with a depressant look. The celestial mage instantly rushed to his side hugging his toned body. The sobbing of the blonde haired girl had made Natsu glance at her final desperation.

"Why!?"

The pink haired mage appeared to be confused and more so irritated that they were yet meeting to another disagreement. '_What do you mean why?'_

'_**SLAP!'**_

A sudden remorse of tranquility.

A whack across the face had been left on the fire mage. "**STOP SAVING ME!" **she cried.

His eyes ignited in flames as he stared intently at the stellar mage who seemed to be whimpering upon the distant casualty.

'_**SLAP!'**_

A strike returned, only this time onto the blonde haired mage. She gasped at the unexpected agony. Her face had beamed out to become a pale red.

"**What the hell!?" **she howled.

The fire mage remained quiet as his eyes gradually met hers at eye level. They both gazed into each others eyes. Lucy's being nervous as her eyes shivered from one place to another. Her body slowly shaking in woeful content, increasing the shuddering second by second until the pink haired boy pressed both of his hands onto the stellar mages head, slowly their heads met halfway as he caressed her face. She could feel his warmth covering his forehead as both exchanged heat and synergy. The blond maiden still baffled at the current position they where in, possibly embarrassed though her blush couldn't be seen due to the slap from him.

"_You stop trying to save me then_." He whispered just loud enough for her to take note. The fire mage slowly released his grasp and returned to his everlasting bed as he continued on with his _slumber._

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Sorry it took so long to update! Had writers block over every sentence I managed to write at.

Anyway, what's your opinion on this? Is Natsu dark enough or do you want me to make him more aggressive and depressing?

Tell me at the review station!

Demontailedfox


	4. Chapter 4

**Hate Me Now**

Author: Demontailedfox

Summary: Natsu's point of view of while in confinement. As the Fire mage gets more aggressive, he realizes that a heavy depression is overwhelming him, eventually Lucy's feeling's gets hurt, but what is the initial reason of Natsu's change of personality?

Natsu x Lucy also contains vulgar language. Slow fluff. And romance. And love.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Fairy tail!

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I am really sorry guys, I have to apologize to all of you, the fact that I spent almost 3 weeks on this chapter is just outrageous. I do have reasons but I feel like I shouldn't be forgiven. Its mostly work and unviersity, but I do have my spare time and I do regret on not using them wisely. Again, don't forgive me, next time, spam me with PM's demanding for the next chapter.

**Beta Reader **

Other than that, I have to give a big thank you to **Chrys Stone**! I've contacted her last week and we got in touch as she has finally accepted to become my **Beta Reader**!

By the way, I have to say that she has puuuuurfect english! If you don't know her, then you might know one of her famous stories by the name of "**Beware of falling wardrobes**"

**Chapter 4 – Who are you?**

As they returned to Magnolia with their rewards, Natsu and Gray departed the train first, minding their own business, whilst Lucy and Erza returned to the guild. Upon their arrival, the Master had summoned both females to his office to discuss the success of the mission, as well as to surmise the level of cooperation that their team had achieved. Erza dutifully gave a detailed report, not leaving out a single portion, seemingly ignorant to the fact that Master Makarov was visibly displeased with what he heard. He had dismissed both mages with a tired look, allowing them to return to the guild hall to answer to their comrades regarding their most recent exploits.

A short chat with Levy seemed to comfort the Stellar Spirit mage, since the small blue haired mage knew Lucy's pain to a certain extent. The girls exchanged a warm farewell when Lucy expressed that she wanted to return home early. She made a slight detour on her way home in order to run her errands, mainly buying groceries, before heading back towards Strawberry Street.

The night was truly beautiful; the glittering stars had come forth as they stood out more in an eye catching way than the artificial neon lights that came from the numerous store fronts' brightly colored fluorescent signs. The coldness of atmosphere had made her cringe, the sensation was so suddenly overwhelming, and yet it managed to sooth her at the very end. It was coming to an end of autumn; the chilliness of the air gave her those vibes. The stellar spirit mage instinctively reacted with a sweet daydream; the thought of Natsu's warmth was enticing her, almost alluring her. Truthfully, she missed the incandescence that he radiated while sleeping, even if he had snuck up into her bed without permission. That warmth, you couldn't describe that feeling in any way, no matter how many times she tried, no words could ever capture it.

Realizing that it was getting late, she suddenly popped out of her 'night' dream and returned back to reality.

Arriving below her apartment; she reached out for the keys around her waist belt, unlocking the door to her beloved home. In the split second upon opening her front door, a thud was heard within her apartment. The celestial mage had readied herself for action, grabbing hold of one of her spirit keys, she was prepared to fight whoever it was.

_Could it be intruders? Thieves? Criminals or simply just…Natsu?_

Slowly opening the door with precaution, the blonde haired mage looked sideways, left and right. The room seemed to be empty, the lights were still off and yet another footstep was heard faintly across the room. _A ghost of some sort?_ She thought to herself.

Lucy by now was horrified by the idea of having a phantom in her apartment, but who believes in ghosts? After all, they weren't real; they are just folklore, myths that were used in stories. The stellar spirit mage strengthened her mind as she told herself that she shouldn't worry.

Taking a step further upon the creaking floorboard, the stellar spirit mage had tried to calm herself down by prospecting that the sound had just came from a local dormouse or a rat. Reaching out quickly to the switches that initiated the lights, Lucy heard another mutter around the room and stopped cold in her tracks, peering into the darkness, one arm holding her shopping bag closely to her chest.

"Lucy…"

A stiff voice was released, the blonde haired mage stopped at the split second completely frozen in terror. It took a moment for the voice to register with the blonde maiden, but after a moment's consideration she realized why it was so familiar.

"G-gray!?" she shuddered in surprise trying to catch hold of her breath "What the hell are you doing here!? You scared the shit out of me!" Her shoulders relaxed, as relief flooded her veins. It was just Gray, not some burglar and most certainly not a silly ghost, which was roaming around in her apartment while she was out.

The raven haired figure had stepped out of the darkness, the fact that he blended in perfectly was merely chilling for the blonde. Curiosity had leaped forward asking herself, _why on earth was Gray even here on the first place?_

"I wanted to ask you something privately." He called out openly, leaning casually against the wall not too far from where the blonde was still frozen in her tracks.

The stellar spirit mage breathed in heavily releasing the tension in her body when she exhaled; she relaxed almost completely and turned back at him "Go ahead? Let me turn on th-"

As she reached for the light switch, the ice mage caught her wrist, keeping her from accomplishing her goal, allowing his hand to linger on her thin wrist as he pulled her arm back.

"Gray?" she looked at him in a puzzling way.

"_Privately_" He whispered whilst giving Lucy a cold look, which made her breath hitch. The raven haired mage released his grip and started to move backwards giving her some space. She nodded at him in a way of understanding, letting him know she understood what he was asking of her.

"What's so confidential about this chat Gray, that we can't even speak it out in public?" she asked giving him stern look.

"You know what it's about…" Gray's voice trailed off, already feeling his temper begin to rise just by thinking of the situation.

The blonde haired mage shuddered again, her eyes started to become watery. "What about him then?" She realized that when Gray spoke with such an attitude, there was no need to assume who or what the topic was, it was obvious that they were going to talk about the dragon slayer due to the shocking events that took place yesterday and yet…

"I find myself hating him more than ever. That flame brained idiot; his attitude makes me so sick, more so now that he thinks he so cool verses when he used to be a simple moron!"

"I…I know that" she reluctantly agreed, her shoulders rolling forward in disgust with herself.

"Then please do tell me you've found a reasonable explanation for this fucking drama that he has put on!" The raven haired mage cussed, punctuating his anger with rude gestures to accompany his harsh language.

"Gray, you know that I don't know anything! Heck we've been searching day and night for weeks, even master started to shown signs of giving up today!" she replied.

The ice mage scratched his head in irritation; his frustration had risen knowing he needed to find a way to channel his anger; more specifically he needed something to punch until he worked out this frustration.

"Ever since that day" he had begun strolling around her apartment, pacing back and forth really, "his moody ass manner has gotten worse by the minute."

"He wasn't like that before though; you've got to give him time, surely there will be some sort of rational explanation. We just have to try harder to find it." Lucy persuaded.

"Lucy! You almost died on the bloody battlefield, are you blind or was I seeing things!?" Gray looked as though he wanted to shake some sense into the blonde, as he continued. "He left you all alone! He doesn't care anymore! He doesn't need you anymore to be exact! You tell me what happened there!"

The ice mage threw himself into the chair next to him, his temper reaching it final boiling point. He couldn't take much more of this, or he'd go stark raving mad!

"W-well," she stuttered "It's all some sort of misunderstanding…"

He leapt up in fury responding to her obvious denial quickly. "My ass, there is anyway in hell that this is a misunderstanding! You _cried_ for help, you called his name for pity sake! I was further away from you and I could see and hear what was happening! He ignored you, Lucy; there is no way to misconstrue that."

"I know, Gray but…but…"

"But what!?" The raven haired fellow yelled at her, his frustration grew with more intensity as he carried on with his speech "The fact you would even consider risking your life for a bastard like that has me completely baffled!"

"But in the end he saved me right? That has to count for something, right?" Lucy responded giving Gray her reassurance, though it came out more like pleading for him to see why she was acting irrationally where Natsu was concerned.

"You knew you could have died, right? Why did you even try to save him anyway?" he huffed in distress.

"We are still Nakama Gray, I can't watch him die!" Lucy was beside herself, that Gray would even ask such a question.

"He doesn't treat you like Nakama though; you have to realize that you must stay away from him at all costs." Gray's eyes narrowed as he issued an order that wasn't his to give, but the whole ordeal was driving him to do things that he never would have to begin with anyway.

"You do realize that I'm the only one who can help Natsu right?" her hands grasped tightly as they formed balls of fists.

"Lucy, god only knows what he will do next! You can't keep risking your life like that; he doesn't deserve it, he never has." He flung his arms up in exhasperation.

"Gray, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself!" Lucy huffed indignently.

The ice mage finally decided that he had had enough; he leapt onto the stellar spirit mage pushing her back against the wall whilst trapping her wrists with one hand above her head. Her bag of groceries fell to the floor completely forgotten as Gray leaned in closer. The stellar mage shrieked momentarily frightened by the sudden move and quivered under the ice mage's cool grasp against her will. His eyes tensed giving her the a bitter impression that he could read her mind, and was unhappy with what he saw.

"You have feelings for that idiot, don't you?" he sighed.

She stared at him with wide eyes, fighting back the blush that coated her cheeks. She was completely frozen under the gaze of his lazy blue eyes, and she could see the comprehension there. She quivered once more as his hand slipped up to push a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

"Gray, I think it's time you leave." she tried to push him off but it failed, since he still had her hands secure on her iron grasp. The Ice mage closed in as his face reached nearer and nearer to hers. His eyes were forced onto those soft glossy lips of hers, and instinctively his tongue darted out to wet his own suddenly dry lips. Lucy could hear her heart pounding painfully in her own ears as she became frozen once more, unsure of what the dark haired boy was planning to do.

Gray knew that he shouldn't be doing, infact, he didn't even know what he was doing to be exact. It was only the look of frozen terror on Lucy's face that made him stop to wonder if what he was about to do was wrong. To be honest, he wasn't an expert in matters of the heart, but he knew that he wanted to protect the woman standing in front of him. He valued her companionship as well as her intellect. Gray was aware that his suspicion about her feeling for the idiot was the catalyst for his misconduct; his mind screamed that he wasn't jealous, but his body seemed to disagree.

The raven haired mage had been searching for the underlying reason for their relationship as he gazed into Lucy's wide and innocent brown eyes. He wanted to find the same need and longing mirrored back at him. In truth he would have preferred for Lucy to make the first move, to give him permission, it would have been far more comfortable for him that way. He wanted things to progress forward, yes, but not at the expense of their current friendship.

"What are you doing to Lucy, stripper?"

Both Gray and Lucy shuddered in shock; that voice could only belong to one person. They didn't need to look to know that he had ignited both of his hands, the sweltering heat that suddenly exploded from the other side of the room made that very clear. Gray could feel the glare on the back of his neck, and knew that the fire mage most likely had his bastard lips curled up in a smirk, even though his voice said otherwise. Natsu sauntered across the room, poised to put some distance between his two comrades. Gray turned to face him then, calm indifference dominating his expression while his hands remained on Lucy.

The two opposite forces stared at each other for a brief moment, both glaring at each other in a way Lucy had never seen before, the hatred between them so thick Lucy felt as though she could cut it with a butter knife. The Pink haired mage raised a challenging eyebrow as the raven haired mage returned with a defiant stare.

The ambience was deteriorating by the moment, due to the pressure between the glares of two great opposing forces. It was akin to a hurricane hitting at the same time as a tornado; though Lucy couldn't tell who was which, she knew well enough that one of them could destroy her apartment alone. She groaned at the thought that a fight might break out here of all places, certainly they would wake the neighbors, possibly breaking their homes in the process.

"Well answer me deaf boy" Natsu waited patiently, or rather as patiently as could be expected of someone with the attention span of a small child.

The raven haired mage clenched his jaws looking for any answer that he could come up with. "That's none of your business" was all he could say in the end, not really wanting to admit the full severity of the scene Natsu had so rudely interrupted.

The dragon slayer barred his teeth like a hungry predator, flashing his canines in hopes of intimidating Gray into showing some sign of retaliation. Natsu wouldn't be satisfied until the ice prick finally lost his temper completely.

"Guys! It's pretty late, go home!" the stellar mage interrupted their bond of havoc, fearing that if they continued further she would no longer have a place to call home.

Ideally, neither would have engaged in a fight so shortly after a mission that had gone so horribly awry. Both mages were still in the process of healing, bandages visible under their clothing. It was a stalemate of insults, pushing one another's buttons in their endless battle to get the last word. On any other day it would have been perfectly normal, as common as Elfman proclaiming his manhood to the world. Habit, but tonight it was something more, something frightening that Lucy couldn't fully grasp.

A silence fell between them, neither Natsu nor Gray wanted to be first to go, and so they continued to stand in their spots. They stared at each other challenging the other to make a move without saying a word at all. Finally Lucy laid a hand on Gray's shoulder, asking once more that he leave, since he was the more rational of the two, and that without Gray there, Natsu would leave shortly after. It wasn't like Natsu had business with her, he ignored her most of the time, so it only made sense that the reason he was still there was to continue his fight with Gray.

The ice mage shrugged and made his way towards the exit, noticing that he was getting pretty tired even if he didn't like the idea of leaving the two of them alone, not even for a little while. "See you later Lucy, be careful."

The fire mage took the opportunity to drift back across the room, and onto her bed. He landed lightly on her fluffy pink covers, staring up at the apartment's ceiling before closing his eyes.

"So, you heard what the ice princess had to say… will you stay away from me like he told you to?" he asked with a calm and even voice.

The stellar spirit mage took a short glimpse of him before retiring from her spot. She had hoped that both would leave her apartment after such a tiring night so that she could rest peacefully alone. _So much for that brilliant plan, of course Natsu won't leave when I want him to, and he won't stay when I need him either. _Lucy glumly made her way towards her couch as she slumped onto it noticing that Natsu was being extremely difficult right now.

"Natsu Dragneel, approximately seventeen years of age. His usual temperament is happy, downright cheerful most of the time. He's always there to motivate others with that warm smile of his." the blonde hair mage mumbled to herself openly.

The pink haired mage opened one of his eyes with curiosity as he watched the girl talk to herself. He wondered what had come over her, was she reading out of some note book, or Sorcerer's Weekly perhaps?

"He loves to eat fire among many other things, to be honest he is a bottomless pit who usually eats me out of house and home. He is emotional, high strung, energetic, and impatient. He gets gloomy from time to tie, but always finds a distraction before anyone else notices. He enjoys the little things in life, like fishing even though it's an activity that takes calm focus and loads of patience."

Natsu opened the other eyes watching as she ticked off her fingers, one by one.

"The Natsu I know is incapable of real hatred, he never holds a grudge. He is selfless and caring whether he has been your friend since childhood, or he was your enemy five minutes ago. He shows compassion to every person he encounters, he makes people feel what he feels." Lucy took a breath and looked across at the lump under her pink blankets.

"So tell me, who are you exactly, who are you supposed to be?" the stellar spirit mage questioned rubbing her temples in distraught.

The pink haired mage let a confused look spread across his features; was that a trick question of some sort? Or was this a genuine query upon himself. "I am who I am. I don't need to explain more than that to anyone, least of all you."

"Would you stop playing mind games with me, Natsu!? You must realize that I don't know who you are anymore, honestly I don't think that even you know who you are nowadays." She snapped at him. Lucy's frustration had advanced to another level entirely, she was almost at her wits end.

The fire mage ignored her in chastity, and resumed sleeping on her bed, acting as if nothing had just happened. He even had the bravado to pretend to snore, so that she would know he was finished talking to her.

The stellar spirit mage erupted, as she furiously pulled the soft blankets off him, the pink hair mage reacted quickly due to the sudden coldness that had slithered all throughout his body. Still, he persevered being as ignorant as ever by not replying to her. The fire mage increased his body temperature retuning to the soft comfy bed.

"Tell me why right now!?" She was met with nothing but snoring, even still.

The Blonde perused with more anger "Get off my bed and answer me!" She had swung Natsu onto the floor, pulling the sheets from under him to make sure he noticed this time round. The dragon slayer yelled in pain feeling as if his wounds had just opened up again. Natsu hissed against the pain in his abdomen, his head swimming momentarily from the shock of it.

The Fire mage leapt up wrathfully when he got his wits about him.

"If you're such an expert on the subject, then why the hell don't you tell me!? If you can't then I will stay with what I've been telling you, I am me! That is all I know, should I have to care about anything more than that?"

Lucy gasped in utter disbelief; did she hear him correctly? Was he joking around? "You think I haven't been trying to figure you out! That is why we keep getting into this same argument over and over you know. I watch you day in and day out, but nothing seems to be adding up. I don't understand what happened to you, Natsu."

Natsu gritted his teeth trying to find an answer for her latest accusation, but failed miserably. He hated to lose in an argument, but this wasn't some petty squabble with Gray, he was trying to prove that he was the real Natsu. He couldn't understand what happened himself, but he wasn't ready to give up on convincing himself that he was still Natsu, no matter what. Lucy's heavy glare only served to inflame his anger further, he narrowed his eyes, lunging forward till his face was only centimeters from the blonde mage. He planted one fist in the wall to the side of her head, flashing his canines with a ferial growl, hoping she would back down if he scared her enough.

However, the stellar spirit mage wasn't intimidated one bit; she merely glared right back at Natsu, un-phased by his actions. When he still refused to offer a proper answer she found her own temper was finally at the very end of its tether, poised to snap at a moment's notice. "Get out." She breathed out in barely a whisper, her voice laced with venom.

"What!? So it's alright for the stripper to pin you to a wall, but not me?" He questioned, his voice dripping with loathing and dissatisfaction. He held her fiery gaze for a long moment before the implication of his words sank in. _Oh, that sounded bad_. He hadn't meant to say it like that, or had he? The pink haired mage cursed, but didn't back down as he waited for Lucy to retaliate.

He hadn't intended to make such and accusation, and he was aware that he had taken it to far this time, the flush of her cheeks was enough to confirm her growing anger if she hadn't already begun to shake.

The stellar spirit mage frowned, unsure of what interpretation Natsu had made of what had gone on with Gray earlier. She couldn't believe that he would thing something improper was going on, it was Gray after all! "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" She finally shot back, her voice shaky with rage.

"You tell me, what was Gray doing her in the middle of the night? Can you tell me it was all just an innocent misunderstanding that he held you right here against this wall, alone in the dark?" Natsu couldn't understand why, but he felt that he needed to know the answer. It was as if he couldn't breath until he heard it directly from her.

"We were just talking" she posed trying to make a consistent stand against the dragon slayer.

"Just talking, you really thing I'd believe that? I wonder if I hadn't spoken, how long it would have taken for the two of you to start stripping right there!"

Lucy threw her full weight into her shoulder, shoving the fire mage away. Her glare became more intense as she pushed him back towards the door to her apartment. "Believe me or not, Gray and I were just talking, nothing more nothing less. You were sitting there the whole time, not that what I do with Gray is any of your business to begin with. I'm not going to waste my breath trying to convince you of anything either, you never listen to me anyway." Lucy could feel the burn of tears behind her eye lids, but she held them back. She refused to cry in front of this Natsu this cold hearted, angry, and morose version of someone she had counted among her closest friends.

A silent pause followed when she pushed his through the door at last. The blonde mage had won the argument though it didn't make her feel better, on the contrary, she felt as though she had torn her own heart apart with a pair of rusted scissors. A headache was coming forth and she was beginning to feel drowsy, she pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes against the growing pressure.

"Natsu" she finally began, eyes remaining closed. "Just…go home please, would you?" Her voice was weak, as though she didn't have the energy left to deal with him any longer.

"Y-yeah… I-I'll go." He reached up and brushed a hand through his already messy hair, turning to look away from the blonde who was illuminated only by moonlight and the soft glow of street bound lycrima.

It was already past midnight now, and his wounds were taking their toll, even if he acted as though they were nothing. He had never intended to cause this fight, he had only come because of an overwhelming _need_ to see her. He fought the feeling off for as long as he could, but it was as though the only way he would be able to relax would be to remain in her presence. Lately though it had become a double edges sword, he wanted to be with her, but the incessant questions only stoked the rage burning inside of him. He always ended up exploding, even if he couldn't tell her why.

He smiled and chuckled, realizing that he didn't regret coming over to her home, otherwise, who would have known what Gray could have done to his Lucy.

_His Lucy? _

Natsu frowned; the recollection of another emotion that he had never explored was unnerving at first. He wasn't entirely sure what had just happened but his remote feelings had caused him to think intensely upon the matter, another un-Natsu like feature that he had recently acquired. It had seemed that he had triggered a recovered sensation. A feeling towards Lucy Heartfilia but what was it? He couldn't grasp onto the meaning just yet.

_Could this be what they call jealousy? No, it couldn't be__, I hate her and she should hate me _he thought fervently. Natsu Dragneel would never admit that he was jealous of anyone, least of all that droopy eyed bastard, Gray. He still couldn't deny that the memory of Gray's hands on Lucy infuriated him, tonight, in a way that it never had before. He hung his head, his back to Lucy's apartment as he continued to think about what it could have been. He thought through everything that had been happening, wondering if he was in fact lying to himself. Was he feeling something more profound, but finding himself too shy to admit it? Could there be a reasonable explanation for this whirlwind of emotions that he had never experienced before?

The blonde mage glanced at his backside as he made his way towards the streets. The image of just a stranded lonely boy had popped up in her head, it wasn't like she didn't care for him but he would reject any help from her at all. She wanted to support her friend in his time of need, the same as he had done for her so many times before.

"Will you ever be okay?" she called out.

Natsu froze on the spot. Was he ever going to be okay? Could he say with any certainty that this would fade, that he would go back to feeling nothing? No, even though he wasn't sure what had happened to him, he was certain of one thing, once you open Pandora's box there is no way to shut the darkness back inside.

The confused stellar spirit mage shifted herself along the path looking at the frozen Dragon slayer. She had been staring at him for the past few minutes and had wondered why he didn't respond at all as he stood there motionless. "Natsu?"

The Fire mage let out an unexplainable shriek as he stumbled forward, falling to his knees. He grasped at his temples, his face twisted in agony. He had reached too far into himself, causing painful memories to flash across his mind. The pink haired mage tried to grab hold of them, hoping for some sense of understanding, but the pain was do excruciating that he had no choice but to let them go, fading back into the recesses of his mind.

_What on earth was that just now?_

Lucy gasped, dashing quickly to his side. She grabbed his shoulder, taking note at how his body was now covered in a thin layer of slick sweat. His eyes were squeezed shut against the pain of an invisible assailant, and for a moment Lucy wondered if his wounds had reopened. She was shot through with guilt suddenly. "Natsu? Natsu what's wrong?" The boy did not answer her with words, but what a deep throated groan.

"Natsu!?"

No reply, other than the pained noises emitting from his throat.

"Natsu, please?"

Still no reply, but he had begun to pant now, his breath too shallow for comfort.

Natsu struggling to get up, placing a hand on Lucy's shoulder to use her as leverage, his eyes hurt as he finally forced them open. Lucy watched him silently out of the corner of her eye, trying to decide if she could lead him back inside her home.

Once he was steady on his feet, the boy pushed her away as he ran into the far distance ignoring her calls.

The celestial mage was left flabbergast and all alone out on the cold night air, staring after the pink haired mage, her mind momentarily blank.

'_what...just happened?'_.

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Again big thanks to Chrys Stone for becoming my Beta reade! I sincerely hope all of you guys check her out and her stories.

/u/3304168/Chrys-Stone

Demontailedfox


	5. Chapter 5

**Hate Me Now**

Author: Demontailedfox

Summary: Natsu's point of view of while in confinement. As the Fire mage gets more aggressive, he realizes that a heavy depression is overwhelming him, eventually Lucy's feeling's gets hurt, but what is the initial reason of Natsu's change of personality?

Natsu x Lucy also contains vulgar language. Slow fluff. And romance. And love.

'Beta' ed by Chris Stone, big thanks to her!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Fairy tail.

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**Chapter 5 - Maybe an answer? **

It was that uncertainty that continued to disturb Natsu throughout the night, haunted by the echoes of his own mind, as fogged memories flitted around tormenting him further. The pink haired mage could still feel the sting of the migraine, as though the pain would become a permanent part of his existence. Frustration was only one of the words he could find to describe how the predicament made him feel, for what it was worth, he hadn't given up trying to understand what was happening inside of his brain.

There was an emotion he couldn't quite grasp, something… valuable that he couldn't describe, because it was constantly slipping through his fingers. The fire mage shook his head frantically from side to side hoping to ride himself of some of the burden. Although he wanted to continue unwrapping this new sense that intrigued him so much, the barrier around it held him at bay where he could only glimpse the outlines of it. Why? Well he truly didn't know, only he had this feeling like something was still missing. What was missing, was a mystery to him as well, which only frustrated him further.

"Why…"

The day began with the deceptive warm of the suns radiant golden rays, warming the fire mage's face. It was a tease of the warmer months, which had been washed away in the unrelenting winds of Magnolia's frigid winters. Much had changed over the past month, along with the change in seasons, though Natsu would argue that none were for the better. The winter's cold only made him more miserable, and filled him with the urge to knock the snow fairy through a wall or two.

The fire mage pulled on his clothing without much thought, roughly fixing his appearance in preparation for visiting the guild. He decided it would be best to head down early to sort out some personal errands before bumping into someone, meaning 'the ice freak'. The thought of dealing with his Gray took his mood down a notch, and he could feel himself begin to frown as he shoved his balled fists into his coat pockets.

Just beyond the front step, the dragon slayer stopped overwhelmed by the feeling of forgetting something. He checked himself for a moment, making sure he had his money purse, his scarf was secure around his throat, was there something else he should have with him? The pink haired mage turned, walking back inside to see if he could strike a memory of what it could possibly have been.

After a few minutes of silent searching, Natsu threw himself down on the old torn couch, trying to think harder than before. It came to him suddenly, an epiphany of sorts, the realization that he had seen neither hide nor hair of his fury partner in over a week. His stomach twisted in revulsion that it had taken him so long to see this fact.

"Happy?" He called out into the silence of the living room; he waited anxiously for a response, knowing somewhere deep inside that there wouldn't be one. He had to admit that it didn't surprise him that his friend was now absent, Happy hated being ignored as much as anyone else. Another spasm of loathing rippled through Natsu's stomach, making him grit his teeth.

To be exact, Natsu had been hard on the young fellow, in one of his unreasonable temper tantrums. The pink haired mage had directed his anger on to the blue cat, saying things that should not be said to ones best friend. He hadn't wanted to say it, but he had been forced to, he was always being forced to. It was no different than the arguments he had been finding himself in with the blonde celestial mage, where his rage ran away with his words.

Natsu understood Happy's absence to a deeper sense now. They hadn't been eating meals together, hadn't walked to the guild together, or gone fishing at their favorite watering hole. Happy must have gone somewhere to get himself food, and companionship that Natsu had been denying him. He wanted to believe that his little friend would understand, surely Happy would be forgiving if Natsu explained himself, right?

Natsu took a moment to reflect upon the incident, and he remembered part of the frustration that had triggered his frustration. Ruminating on those thoughts brought about another unwanted feeling, his mind traveling to what his little friend must have done for the past week, since he obviously hadn't come home. 'He must be with Wendy right now' he considered. 'Either that or with Lucy.' Natsu sighed in defeat.

The feeling of loneliness made the fire mage's heart ache; the pain was tolerable at best filling him with a wave of sadness. He groaned, overwhelmed with the negative emotions that were already making his morning dark and depressing.

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_-Guild hall-_

Upon entering the guild, Natsu could see a wave of silence spread, conversations stopping abruptly while the air filled with tension. As he walked from the entrance to the bar the fire mage could feel eyes burning into his back. Their conversations started back up as the dragon slayer walked past, voices lowered in apprehension of what the fire mage's temper had in store for them today. Though they strived to act normal, not one had the courage to make eye contact with him. The once bright and sunny guild now seemed as quiet and secretive as a dark guild.

"Good morning Natsu!" The prestigious bar maid raised her voice with pleasantry as she waved frantically across the room signaling him to come over to her. Her smile seemed to brighten the dark aura that had shrouded him all morning.

The fire mage took comfort in the sole greeting that washed away the prior feelings of being ignored. Finally, a warm enticing sensation blotted out the darkness of his earlier thoughts, and he was actually glad he had decided to come to the guild. Was the answer to his question this simple; was this, what he had been looking for all along?

Natsu wondered if it had been this simple, why he hadn't thought of it earlier. If this was what his 'previous life' had been missing wasn't the solution fairly easy to obtain? Friendship could be a save all in this time of need, the un-judgmental love of a friend.

"Hello there Mira, can I get the usual?" Natsu slide into a bar stool as casually as ever.

The barmaid nodded, returning a moment later with a bottle of fire whiskey in hand. She pulled a high ball glass from under the counter and gently put in a few ice cubes before slowly pouring in the deep amber liquid to the half-way point. When Mira was finished, she pushed the glass forward into the hands of the pink hair young man.

He took the glass into his hand, swirling the ice for a moment before taking that first sip. A satisfying burn bit his tongue and throat as he tipped the glass back, taking the whole glass in one long swallow. He closed his eyes savoring the feel of the alcohol, the light fuzz that it brought to the edges of his mind. His aggression melted away, leaving behind a calm mind. It finally dawned on the fire mage why Cana enjoyed the company of her liquor to that of a person; this feeling of being wrapped in a pool of soothing warmth was incredible. The sensation was incredible, yet, something wasn't quite right…

In the calm of his current state, Natsu took a moment to look up to find a pair of anxious blue eyes trained on him with a gleam of uncertainty. Her gaze made the fire mage feel hot under his scarf, and he swallowed hard to clear the sudden lump in his throat. _Maybe she wants something… or someone?_ During his examination, Mira had poured him another glass, and pressed it into his hand once more. His now frayed nerves told him to drink before asking what she was thinking. "M-mira?" He managed to stammer once the second glass was empty.

"Yes?" she replied. "Is there something on your mind dear?"

Natsu's eyebrows knitted in concentration, his mouth pulled into a thin line, he couldn't look her right in the eyes when he spoke, so instead he stared at the bar, examining a dark spot in the wood. "Is there something on **yours**?"

Mira took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment before leaning her elbows on the counter. Concern was written all over her face, her clear blue eyes wide with worry. "I've known you a long time, Natsu, I just wanted to make sure you're doing well." She topped off a fresh glass of his fire whiskey, though with a smaller portion this time.

Natsu stiffened for a fraction of a second before shrugging his shoulders. "You've obviously heard something that makes you think I'm not."

She chuckled, turning her attention to a wash sink full of dirty cups and mugs. "I over hear things on occasion, often times they pan out to be pure rumors, but sometimes they are true." Mira looked over with another gleam in her eyes that Natsu couldn't quite place.

"Sometimes?" The fire mage tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowed in skepticism.

The white haired maiden sighed, chewing on her bottom lip as she thought of how to phrase her next question. She wanted the conversation to be about Natsu, and his life problems, not her habit of eavesdropping in on private conversations. Mira was aware that she might be a person Natsu could confide in; after all she had a similar situation. Her character took a change when her younger sister died, she knew that he needed to be treated gentler than the others were capable of handling.

This similarity allowed Mira to understand Natsu to some extent, but not enough to comprehend the distress on his current relationships with his guild mates. Natsu had never had trouble making friends, but lately he seemed to have been holding himself back. She feared that if he continued to treat others around him poorly that he would become a social pariah, the outcast of Fairy Tail. She would never allow that to happen.

"You wanna tell me anything? Anything that gone wrong over the past month?" she enquired.

"I might, or might not." He replied, schooling his features into that of boredom. He hoped that she would give up if he seemed disinterested enough.

Natsu sighed in defeat; he couldn't refuse her like this… how could anyone get frustrated at Mira when she made that face. He was sure that he couldn't, his will power wasn't strong enough to withstand the now pouting lips of the guilds poster girl, and as her eyes clouded with tears of worry he felt his wall of indifference crumble.

"How did it feel, you know, when you changed?" Natsu looked up over his glass to see a look of puzzled amusement on the white haired woman's face. She assumed that he was talking about the death of her sister. That event had certainly changed her in many ways; she went through the stages of acceptance one at a time just like anyone else. She remained silent wondering how to explain the journey from anger, to the regret. Her regret turned to depression and finally after months of grieving she settled into her new life.

In the moment she lacked understanding, she lacked the clarity to understand what was happening to her. It had taken years to fully process it all, but she had never attempted to put it into words for someone else's benefit before. She took another deep breath before attempting just that.

"I don't know if I have the answer that your looking for Natsu. For me, it was a process, and when I came out on the other side, this is who I became."

"Don't you ever wish to go back to who you were again?" The pink haired mage moved forward, intrigued by the turn of conversation. He lingered on her every word, hoping to get the answer that would put an end to his misery.

"Are you saying you want the Mira who loved to fight with Erza, and bullied you constantly over the sweet Mira that cooks your favorite food?" She smirked at the fire mage, watching as he contemplated an answer to her question.

Natsu wouldn't lie, the thought of going up against Mira when she was in her prime thrilled him. A fight with Demon Mira was a once in a lifetime opportunity that he would snatch up without a second thought. Bringing back that Mira would eventually lead to havoc, like awaking a sleeping dragon. Titania and the Demon would once again be at each other's throats, and lives might be lost in the ensuing chaos.

"You like who you are now, along with everyone else. In fact they all adore you now, even Erza, so you must like who you've become." Natsu ran his finger along the rim of his glass, considering if his situation was all that similar now.

"I adore Mira?" The dragon slayer nearly jumped out of his seat the second he recognized the voice behind him. Slowly he turned, finding the source of his current anxiety to be none other than Erza herself.

The girls exchanged a smile silently enjoying their private plans of trickery. The fire mage was unaware that the two were conspiring against him in order to better understand his situation. Erza let her shoulders relax, she was glad to hear that Natsu was looking for answers to his problems.

Natsu cringed as Erza let off a relieved laugh. He looked from the red haired woman to the white haired woman. He wanted to know what was going on, why their eyes were sparkling like they knew something he didn't.

"Erza adores me?" Mira prodded at him, poking her index finger in between his eye brows.

"In the same was Mira adores you, Erza." The fire mage retorted, motioning between the two women with his pointer finger. He played it off, but underneath he was becoming annoyed with the situation.

The two moved closer together, chattering about something in friendly tones. Natsu could feel a chill run down his spine and involuntarily he gripped his upper arms trying to ward off the sudden chill. The conversation stopped abruptly, and the two women turned their attention back to the fire mage.

Erza stared at the fire mage for a long moment before she spoke again. "Do you remember the fight you and Gray had not too long ago? I truly fear for my life that day, since you almost took off my head."

The fire Dragon Slayer sat still, his eyes wide, seeing that he had inspired fear in even the great Titania. Did she honestly believe him to be a killer? Unsure of what to say next, he frowned, disgusted with his own self-image. He averted his eyes, hoping he could forget that day.

She continued with remorse "Obviously, you've grown much stronger and-"

"**Stop!** I get it Erza, just… stop." Natsu yelled, breathing harder by the minute.

"I just wanted to say that you need to be more caref- " Erza stated in a small voice.

"Erza!" the pink haired mage responded again cutting her sentence off.

"Your not yourself Nat-"

**THUD**, a fiery fist was released onto the bar table, shocking both women into silence. Mirajane shrieked when his fist made contact with the bar, garnering the attention of the rest of the guild.

"Erza, I…" Natsu couldn't meet Erza's eyes as he spoke. "I never meant, I didn't… it all happened so fast, and then. You know I would never…" The fire mage sputtered, feeling the warmth of hope slipping away yet again. He didn't wait to hear a response as he slipped form his chair, his shoulders squared in disappointment.

It looked as though he still couldn't find his answer. This happened each and every time that there was a chance to clear up all this fog in his mind. He was beginning to get tired of the disappointment that came with it.

Why was everyone against him? Telling him that he wasn't himself; that he needed to go back to a person that he once was? Was he that horrible that no one could accept him the way he is?

The barmaid and armored mage exchanged a glance, sharing an unspoken revelation about the fire mage.

"I thought you drugged his drink!" Erza moved to examine the cup that the fire mage had left behind amused by how only a few drops were left in the bottom.

"I did, I put the drug in the bottle so he got three doses. I don't understand; it should have worked." Mirajane sighed, rubbing her temples. Another failure, and this was their best plan yet, Mira could feel the disappointment boil over. It was a simple task, a drug to make the fire mage spill his secrets without thought to the consequences that came along with absolute truth. Lowered inhibitions were supposed to be the key to the boy's salvation.

Back to square one.

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_Gajeel.._

As the day dragged along, the lonesome fire mage had sat alone at a table in the back of the guild, playing with his fire. He was obnoxious as usual to anyone who bothered to come within range, pushing them all back so he could enjoy his time alone, his time to sulk. He looked over a fist full of flames, spotting the black exceed sauntering quietly through the fray. "Oi, Lily!"

The cat turned around and crossed his arms naturally as he eyed the dragon slayer waiting for him to explain himeself.

"Have you seen Happy?"

The cat stood there thinking before trying to answer. Though he never got the chance to give an answer.

"Match stick." A gravelly voice called out across the guild, a grinning iron metal eater made his presence known as he cut through the small crowd in the guild hall. Gajeel made eye contact with his furry partner, signaling him to stay out of this. Panther Lily nodded in confirmation before disappearing into the crowd

"What do you want?" Natsu quirked a brow at one of his advisories, wondering what it was that Gajeel really wanted.

The Iron Dragon slayer growled low in his throat, contempt shown in every fiber of his being. "What do you want with my cat?" He clenched his teeth, grinding the molars angrily.

The pink haired mage took a step back, knowing it would be stupid to start a fight when he had better things to do. His objective was to find Happy, to see the friend who hadn't crossed his path lately. He knew that he needed to get past the walking pin cushion, in order to speak to his exceed buddy privately.

"I need to know where Happy is." Natsu took a step to the side, preparing to move forward.

Gajeel was aware of the close relationship between the two partners; it was obvious to see that they had been apart for some time. As uninterested as he claimed to be, the ragged haired mage felt empathy towards their spit relationship. He realized that they had similar bonds, and he wondered if he should be helping them solve their problem. He knew that something was wrong, Natsu wasn't the same man he had known before.

"Why do you need to know, you selfish brat? Honestly lately you make me look like a damn saint." He grunted.

The salamander remained quiet, deep in thought as to why Gajeel would bother; this had nothing to do with him what so ever. Above all else, Natsu didn't want to draw attention to himself. The last thing he needed was for more rumors to be spread about him. He knew any more strain on his mind could eventually break him.

"I just need to talk to him; there was a misunderstanding that I need to clear up." The fire mage kept his voice low enough that only Gajeel could hear.

"Do you honestly think and apology will be enough this time?" The iron dragon slayer gave the fire mage a hard stare, wondering if Natsu was serious.

"What else can I do?" he shrugged.

Gajeel generally didn't give a shit about anyone besides himself, but this shift in Natsu's persona had the iron dragon slayer feeling out of sorts. He considered it a necessity to make a point to the pink haired idiot, hopefully the embarrassment would make him think twice about treating his partner poorly in the future.

"Leave him be, obviously he is enjoying the freedom or he would have come back. Personally I don't think he should have to team up with some bitchy ass chump who is so preoccupied with his own indecision that he can't even keep track of his 'best friend'."

"What? When am I ever indecisive?" the fire mage gritted his teeth.

"Look at yourself right now, who the _fuck_ are you? Don't tell me that you're feeling as good as normal over the past few months."

"Well…"

"Before you say anything" he pointed out "think about your answer because you're speaking out of your ass these days, and I don't wanna hear some bullshit excuses."

The pink haired mage laughed, a twinge of madness making the sound eerie. He knew this is what it would come down to. Every fucking time he attempted to speak, someone would bring the subject back up. He was sick of being accused of not being himself. He mentally threw his hands in the air thinking to himself _fuck it all then._He'd go along with Gajeel's taunts, he'd play right into the pin cushion's hands.

"You know what, I don't give a crap anymore. I was starting to think that maybe I wanted to see what this other me was like, but I changed my mind. This is way more fun." The fire mage cracked his knuckles, letting loose another one of the madness laced laughs.

He didn't care anymore; he was going to beat the shit out of that flaming bastard, just to wipe that insane smirk off his face.

As Gajeel lunged forwards for a straight up punch, the pink haired mage stood perfectly still, Flashing a dangerous smile that echoed the one he used to use, only with the gleam of elongated fangs brushing his bottom lip.

**THWACK!**

Natsu was sent sprawling backwards onto the ground, blood pooling around a split lip. The fire mage licked his lips clean of the thick metallic liquid with a satisfied sigh. He didn't care about false pretense anymore; he was simply looking to entertain himself from her on in. It was time to play some mind games, oh yes this was going to be entertaining indeed.

"What a weak punch, I barely even felt that! Has hanging out with Levy made you go soft or something, because you hit like a girl?!" The fire mage cackled as he pulled himself back to his feet.

The ragged haired mage was left in feelings of astonishment. Natsu had not only taken the full brunt of the punch, but he was now standing there laughing as though it hadn't phased him one bit. He was sickened by the display, to think they were both dragon slayer, it was ridiculous. What the fuck was wrong with this kid? Gajeel feared that if he put more thought into the situation he would cause himself a mental break.

"You leave Levy out of this." Gajeel growled before turning to look for his partner, Pantherlily. Natsu grinned as he watched the dark haired mage stalk away, wiping the bit of blood that had trailed down his chin in the process.

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Sorry people, no Natsu and Lucy scenes within this chapter but I have some planned for the next chapter.

Anyways, to all of my audiences, tell me if you like it so far?

Yours sincerely

Foxy boy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hate Me Now**

Author: Demontailedfox

Summary: Natsu's point of view of while in confinement. As the Fire mage gets more aggressive, he realizes that a heavy depression is overwhelming him, eventually Lucy's feeling's gets hurt, but what is the initial reason of Natsu's change of personality?

Natsu x Lucy also contains vulgar language. Slow fluff. And romance. And love.

'Beta' ed by Chris Stone, big thanks to her!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Fairy tail.

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Major 'Nalu' scene within this chapter! I Apologize for all those fans whom wanted more Nalu within the last chappy but there wasn't, so I've decided to make it up to you guys here. Enjoy.

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**Chapter 6 – Suffering and Harmony **

Natsu stared at the darkened sky, an emotionless expression plastered to his face. He felt hollow inside, with a lingering burning of an emotion that had once dominated his existence. Was this really what his life was being reduced to? The fire mage closed his eyes and took a deep steady breath.

Maybe it was time to give up on hope, he didn't know. He was honestly beginning not to care. Flip flopping from one mood to another all the time was causing him to feel like he might actually implode. Was it his fault? He felt as though his had done nothing but ask that question while searching his very core for the answers.

Was there some underlying truth behind the barricade around his emotions? Would he ever be able to work through the intense pain in order to uncover it? These questions only made the fire mage more wary. His actions were restricted by a force he could not go against for once in his life, and he came to understand what it was like to be caged.

He told himself it was fine, he didn't need companionship. Natsu was superior to the others in a way that they couldn't understand; it was only natural that he should stand alone even if his self-declared superiority was one of the causes of his current misery. Not that he would admit this fact to anyone, but he could see that he wasn't to be cared for, the he never should have been in the first place.

Negativity had come to surround Natsu like a cloak, deterring any attempts at reaching out to the fire mage. Could it get any worse? He expected so, but he didn't bother to prepare for it, what was the point when it would all end in the same series of repetition. All he seemed to be good for was arguments and breaking things.

He couldn't become frustrated anymore; there was no reason to even feel aggravated. In all honesty, it was no longer worth his time. Natsu knew that getting close to others meant trouble in all sorts of ways, whether disagreements and conflict or half assed attempts at conversation that almost always ended in a fight he always found the situation was not in his favor. He felt suffocated around those people now, as though their stares conveyed the deepest darkest kind of hate imaginable.

This cheery pink haired mage that everyone they had once known was replaced with this morose person, his depression hanging around his head like a dark cloud that threatened everyone who dared approach with the loss of their own happiness.

What was he doing all along?

Overtime, he had developed a harshness to his tone, which added to his aggressiveness and relentlessly harsh words. Every time he opened his mouth, it was greeted with anger, or betrayal in the people he had once called friends. Natsu had slowly lost all hope, feeling his time would be better spent at home vegetating on his empty couch.

In the end, the misery and pain of the situation got the better of him. His heart ached every single moment other people were having fun; laughing as though the world was fine. His very soul ached as he watched them move on with their lives, ignoring him the best they could, even though he told himself that he was better off this way. He was better off this way.

Day by day more of his guild mates adapted this new behavior, he was ignored from all sides, treated like an outcast. With every day his voice grew weaker, his soul losing its brilliance. His entire existence was degrading, falling into the bottom of the lonely seas of sorrow. In the beginning he fought against his personal self-pity, but as the dreaded day dwindled on he realized there was nothing he could do, nothing but watch time stretch itself into an eternity of empty and hallow existence.

He was so focused on the problem that he lost all his aptitude to remain stable.

He told himself that maybe he could be forgiven and everything would be changeable.

He told himself he should try to fix the problem instead of denying…

He who was fearless to all was actually…

'_Crying'_

Even though he tried to evade the problem, it had come back to him just like that in a simple click. The sobbing cry of a desolated Dragonslayer had tripled the burden of being alive. He hated showing this side, the weak pathetic little boy who should do the world a favor and end it all. What point was there to life when there was no longer any sense of joy, only the dark and bitter taste of misery? He had asked himself this question many times over the past week, coming up with no response at all. Was his life filled with nothing but suffering; would that be all his life ever had in store for him?

Tears splashed heavily to the ground, forming ripples in the small puddle in front of the fire mage. Natsu, who had been so resolute and full of determination sat completely broken. He hated it; he hated himself and everyone else. He looked through his clouded eyes at his hands; they were filled with cuts and bruises from his many outbursts of unwarranted fury.

Silence presided over the woods of the forest, not a single noise could be heard, not even the twitting from the birds. It was possible that all the creatures living in the forest kept their silence in order to convey their respect, and to show empathy for the boy who had finally quieted his sobbing. The image of a lonely monster inspired both terror and awe in the creatures of the habitat. Instinct told them to keep their distance for fear of becoming the monster's next victim.

He tried ending his life in many conventional ways, yet every time something stopped him from doing so. He didn't know what it was exactly, but no matter how many time, or what it was he tried, something held him back at the last moment.

The fire mage was in complete disarray, his hair covered in a thick layer of muck. His clothing was tattered and frayed, smeared with mud and blood here and there.

Natsu hadn't eaten or drank in days, and it was beginning to show in the hallowed appearance of his once rounded cheeks. He couldn't care less about the knowing ache of hunger when he was trying to ride himself of the misery and pain of breathing, or existing. Body secretions of all kinds clung to him with a stench that could curdle milk.

The boy cared for none of this as he lay on his stomach, wishing for complete tranquility. He longed for the absolute solitude that accompanied that eternal slumber.

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_-Salvaging-_

Lucy had seen the deterioration over time, and her empathy for the pink haired mage grew rapidly. She felt as though his problems were her responsibility, that his crisis was literally her own. Her heart hurt, because no matter how much she wanted to give assistance to the Dragon slayer, he would refuse to allow her to even help him back to his feet.

The two mages remained linked by a bond neither could see, allowing Lucy to develop similar sullen emotions. Her basic dexterity was lacking, within daily basic control. Her magic even felt as though it had decreased when feelings of depression overwhelmed her.

The aura of corruption had also touched the tips of her fingers as she felt the toxicity running through her hands passing to her entire body. This was what Natsu truly felt or at least that was what she thought. As close as they were, it seemed that she was always looking at him from a far distance to try and keep that steady relation with him. If she had moved in too quickly, the chemistry would break down, if she moved in too late, she would never see him again. She had not wanted to lose him by being too pushy.

Lucy had finally had enough though, even if Natsu remained this way; selfish, she still didn't want to see a friend left in such a horrible state of mind. She actually tried to visit him on the weekend, just to check up on him, but the plan backfired as the boy was nowhere to be seen within his own home. She tried to cleanse his home while waiting for him to return.

The hours passed by quickly and soon she found it was already afternoon. Getting worried now Lucy hastily began her search around Magnolia, even her own home for the missing fire mage. Arriving at the guild, the blonde haired mage peeked around the room, looking for the signature shock of pink. When she did not find it she thought about asking for help in her conquest to find Natsu, the few she approached were reluctant to say the least. _This was a bad idea after all._

It was nearing midnight; rain had been pouring heavily for the past hour or so, distorting Lucy's vision. She had rushed home to change into a firm pair of book and her umbrella so she could continue her search for the fire mage.

Lucy had exhausted all the normal haunts around the town, and had begun to walk the paths on the outside of the city. The gloomy weather had sunk into Magnolia's forests, forcing a mist of dense fog to cover the area. Certainly, it was quite astonishing for the girl to have such perseverance in seeking Natsu for such a long time.

She moaned in wariness due to the maze of paths set in front of her. Working towards a solution, the blonde mage threw caution to the wind as she veered off in a different direction; out of bounds. Lucy knew she was lost amidst the forest, but it was the last place she could look before she started to leave Magnolia all together; it was worth a try.

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_-The wailing forest-_

She traveled for what seemed like miles, calling out his name every so often in hopes of a reply. She was on the verge of giving up the endeavor when the tree line began to thin. It was had to see with the fog and the rain, but something told the spirit mage to keep moving forward.

Upon reaching an open area amidst the woods, Lucy couldn't believe the sight before her. Dozens of charred trees were toppled over, signs of the fire mage she was sure. She looked around, calling out for Natsu once again, when a forceful wind blew away the fog that had settled in the clearing. Lucy gasped, trying to grasp the reality of what was in front of her.

_Is that? … It can't be… Natsu._

Lying in the middle of the clearing cover in god only knows what was a lump of what was once a human being, the shock of pink standing out even if it wasn't as vibrate as she remembered.

She began to run, abandoning her umbrella as she spotted the white scaly scarf wrapped protectively around his neck. Of course it was Natsu, who else could it be. The fear hit her like ice water, he was lying there motionless, his face turned away from her. The rain was still pounding away, slowly soaking the blonde. She skidded in a mud puddle before throwing herself to his side.

She couldn't tell if he was dead or alive, but the smell coming from his body suggested the former. Gently she placed her hands on his shoulder, rolling his so that she could get a better look at where he might be hurt. She choked back a sob when she took in the state he was in. He made no move to get up or run from her. His deep green eyes were wide open and vacant in a way that she had never seen before.

He was alive, if only barely. She noted the cuts and bruises that lined his body from head to toe, some bruise were an angry purple, while others had faded into discolored greens and yellow. A long gash on his left arm was inflamed, and was burning to the touch. Lucy didn't know what to do, she just sat there for a moment by his side digesting everything.

"Natsu…" He voice was full of pleading for him to come round and tell her what had happen, why he was here. She want to demand answers, for him to tell her what the hell he had been doing.

The Fire Dragon slayer just lied there, emotionlessly in the mud, his eyes wide but unseeing. He had lost all faith in the world, in people… even in her. He was broken, even if he wanted to speak there were no words that would come to his parched lips.

"What happened?" She leaned closer, trying to make sure he was breathing. They were shallow, but definitely there. A little of her worry ebbed away, as she leaned in close enough to hear his heart beating. Lucy was tempted to hold her nose against the smell, but suffered through it. She looked closer at the lacerations on his abdomen, and felt her stomach roll uncomfortably.

"Your wounds are infected you idiot! We need to get you some help or this could be serious, how long have you had these?" She was greeted with silence once more, but she noticed that his eyes had moved away, so that he couldn't see her any more.

"I know you don't want to listen to anyone, but you know you can still trust me, we're partners remember?" The spirit mage forced a smile onto her face in an attempt to bring him back from where ever he had gone inside his own mind.

In all honesty, Natsu couldn't be bothered with her rants; after all, he had decided that this was his fate, right?

"Natsu, please." Her calm exterior began to break, and she punched the ground in front of her, cursing about everything that was wrong with this situation. She looked over at the pink haired boy again, and steeled her nerve, she had to get him out of here or he could possibly die from exposure as well as the infections.

With all the power in her arms and leg, the stellar mage brought the pink haired mage over her shoulders as she dragged him along the pathway. No matter what Natsu had done, he was still her comrade, her friend, her partner… she had to save him; she just had to.

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_-Cleansing-_

As the two mage finally arrived at Lucy home, the spirit mage began to buckle under the extra weight. She tried to shift Natsu's weight to the other side, but her body was at its limit, and refused to work any longer. She managed to make it through the front door to her apartment before she and Natsu both fell to the floor.

Lucy's vision swam for a few moments before her sight went black. Natsu closed his eyes, as the blood pounded painfully in his ears. He didn't want to look at the fragile girl who was trying desperately to save him from himself.

When the blonde finally came to, she looked over to see a puddle pooling under her companion, in the light she could tell that he wasn't just covered in old wounds, some were so fresh that he was still bleeding. She was overwhelmed with anger when she realized that they weren't wounds from a fight gone wrong, or from an animal attack. These were all self-inflicted, shallow and painful looking.

"Does this mean you've given up?" She leaned over top of his still body, her nails biting into the soft flesh of his upper arm. "Taking the easy way out, to think Natsu Dragneel could be so selfish and weak!"

The blonde mage shot him a heated look of revulsion, even though he refused to meet her gaze. Fury swept through Lucy in a way she had never experienced before. She couldn't let him die; she couldn't live with that kind of guilt. There was no point in his dying! Wasn't he always the one who said giving your life up was meaningless? Did he no longer hold faith in even his own words?

Lucy dug her nails in deeper as she reached for his other arm. She began to shake him, pushing and pulling in a fruitless effort to bring the pink haired mage back to life. She had enough of these games. He had given up, his attitude only solidified the thought in her mind, why he was acting this way, she didn't know. She didn't know a lot of things it seemed. She wanted to force it out of him, make him explain why he was acting so childishly, why he was so despondent.

Anger drove her actions, as he temper reached its boiling point. Without thinking she grabbed his upper arms with all her strength, and threw him across a wooden chair, breaking one of the legs in the process. She hadn't meant to do something so rash, but…

"You know something Natsu, I always thought that I was the weak one between us, but look at you now! You're a pathetic coward, acting like your life is a piece of trash that you can just throw away. How could you do this? How can you give up on everything?" Lucy let the wet hair fall over her face as she got to her feet. Her voice was steeped in poison, her anger and disgust nearly tangible as she spoke.

Natsu's continued silence only provoked her further, as she made her way to his crumpled form. Lucy was still winded from the journey, and her breaths came in great puffs. She waited for a reply when she reached the fire mage, but he was still a still as a corpse. "I… I give up. If you want to die so badly then do it. I don't care anymore."

Later she would wonder what had possessed her to do something so rash, as she dashed into the kitchen. When she returned a glittering object was grasped tightly in her first, a knife. She stalked towards the fire mage and threw the knife into the floor board right next to his head.

"If you want to die so badly, I'll help you. Take it Natsu; end it all right now!" Tears had already been gathering in her eyes, her voice cracked with desperation and pain. Composure was a foreign concept at this point as she got down on her knees next to the knife.

"Go on then! Perhaps I should do it for you, since you are such a coward, is that what you want?" She demanded, the tears falling in thick streams from her eyes. She gasped the knife, pulling it from the floor board before holding it against the exposed skin just above his scarf.

The tip of the knife bit into his skin, revealing a line of scarlet that dripped down. Natsu's eyes remained shut tightly, but his hand came up to wrap around the blonde's, increasing the pressure. The tip sank in deeper, eliciting the first sound from the dragon slayer. It was no more than a pained whimper, but it brought the spirit mage back to her sense. She shrieked as blood welled up against the blade, and forced it out of the dragon slayer's weak grasp.

Lucy panicked, dropping the knife as she ran to get a towel. She stumbled a few time on her way back, and eventually gave up, crawling back to his side. The gash wasn't deep, a flesh wound really, but the blood was enough to make her feel sick.

_What have I done?_

"I-I-I … y-y-ou-u… t-t-th-i-i-s-s…" She whimpered incoherently as she put pressure on the fresh wound.

Natsu could feel the warm tears coating his chest as she worked. He had almost done it again, yet this time it was a person who stopped him. Would he have been able to finish the job if Lucy hadn't interfered? He cracked open an eye to watch her breaking over what had just happened. She looked as much of a mess as he felt, her long blonde hair handing in damp clumps around her face. Her eyes were already starting to show signs of extensive crying. A wave of shame rushed through him as he listened to her babble half formed words in a pleading tone.

At one point it sounded almost like, 'You can't leave' and 'don't you dare.' Natsu knew that this was only wishful thinking on his part, after all she had just held the knife to his throat, and told him to do it. He wondered if he should regret taking action, maybe if he had allowed her to do it, it would finally be done.

Natsu watched as the girl wiped her face dry with one hand, while maintaining the pressure on his throat with the other. Lucy took a deep breath before pushing her companion into a sitting position. The fire mage wanted to show reluctance, but in the moment he was much weaker than he had realized. Lucy hoisted him up using her shoulder as leverage. It took all most all the strength she had left to drag the pink haired boy across the living room and across the bath. Somehow she managed to drop him under the shower head before sinking to her knees.

"I'm too tired…" It was the first words out of his mouth, and even though they were gravely and curt, they made Lucy feel like a light had been turned on.

Lucy knew he wasn't willing to do this on his own, not that he even looked like he would be able to. She sighed, balling her hands on her lap. She wasn't mentally prepared for this kind of situation; it was all too much for her. Could she even bring herself to wash another person, especially if that person was Natsu Dragneel? She stared at the floor tiles, working up the courage and will power to do what was necessary for her friend's well-being.

"I can't leave you like this; you already have several infected wounds."

Lucy made her way over to the fire mage, and began to help him shrug off his tattered vest. She took off his scarf gently, placing it in a pile next to the dragon slayer. She gulped deciding it would be best to allow him to keep his pants on for now. The sight of his battered body made her feel uncomfortable. Though he seemed to have lost some weight since the last time she had seen him so exposed, his shape remained intact.

She looked away, fighting a blush that would reveal she suspected herself as some kind of pervert of looking at him half naked. On any other day, it might have been nice, but the blood caked to him gave her enough reason to return to her senses.

Lucy stood to open the tap, switching the lever so the shower head would send a steady stream of hot water over her patient. Lucy carefully aimed the water so that it wasn't hitting any area's that could become problematic before sinking down beside him. She allowed the water to run over his hair for a minute, hoping to loosen some of the grime.

When she was satisfied that he was both warmer, and the dirt was starting to break away from him, she reached for her cleansing products. She moved closer to Natsu, not caring about getting wet as she squeezed out a handful of her body wash into her own hands. She reached out, and smeared the liquid across his shoulders, and down his arms, being careful to mind the angry red skin around his wounds. The fresh vanilla fragrance seeped out, spreading around the room, enticing and heightening both of their senses.

Gently, Lucy began rubbing the soap over the surface of his exposed skin with her bare hands, _Oh dear lord!_ Her mind was initially racing, her heart beating rapidly. She shifted, moving behind the pink haired boy to wash the broad expanse of his back. For once she was glad that he couldn't see her, since her face was crimson with embarrassment, as she caressed the hard lines of his muscles. She reached up to his shoulders, running her fingers down to his wrists.

The water was beating steadily against her back, and she shifted once more. Lucy grabbed the bottle once more, taking just enough to finish the job. Her hands shook as she slowly reached out to his abs, she hoped that he couldn't hear her heart pounding as loudly as she could. Her mind was fixated on the smooth body that was still under her finger tips, she tried to think of something else, she needed to distract herself from her embarrassment.

"If-f you're run up against a wall in life, you need to climb over it," She started to say slowly. "I-If you don't, then you'll always be stuck… you need to move forward to get anywhere in life… lingering on things is like staying behind the wall, ya know?"

The pink haired mage studied her words for a long moment, glaring up at her through his damp bangs. _A response, that's progress._ He raised his head a bit, contemplating the meaning of her words. Lucy had a point; he had to keep going, to prove something to himself as well as everyone else. He couldn't give up, even if her words were just lies to clear her own conscience.

"I.. almost died today. I would have killed myself… if you hadn't shown up." He spoke softly, not making eye contact as he continued. "I guess I should thank you for that."

Her face crunched up, although grateful for his thanks, it was partially her that almost assisted him. "Don't remind me about that again.." she hinted at him silencing the very room.

Breaking the now tense atmosphere, the blonde grabbed the bottle of shampoo from her stock, and squirted out the remainder of the strawberry scented liquid into her hand. She snaked her hands through his damp hair slowly smoothing the cleanser over his scalp. She lathered the soap into his locks carefully, making sure she got all of the grime that was encrusted there free. After she was satisfied with her work, the blonde allowed her hands to move to Natsu's temples, rubbing them ever so gently in a circular motion. The spirit mage want to help her friend relax, to forget his worries if only for a short time, so she figured the relaxation technique she had learned to deal with stress over the past few years would be helpful. She was glad that something she knew was come into useful at a time like this.

She understood that she needed to keep the pink haired mage calm and trusting. There were new rules that applied to this new Natsu, and if she wasn't careful she would lose the progress that she had already made. If their bond of trust was broken even in the slightest, he would be hesitant to ever accept her for a very long time.

Natsu's body relaxed automatically although that was not his mind's intention. He felt as though he were being tames, like a wild animal being domesticated.

Rubbing the core of his head, the stellar mage compared his hair to hers, that pink specific color was too unique and smooth. Nothing she imagined in the first place was similar to the way it felt in her hands. Lucy had begun to straighten out the fringes, one by one, the dirt was taken away. It was presumed that she was taking her time; sensitivity was at its highest and for that, she did not want the very session to end. Never had she seen Natsu so calm , it was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity and she couldn't take it for granted.

The fire mage took comfort in the gentle care the blonde haired girl was showing while taking care of him. He could feel his heart beat accelerate. The experience was humbling, and he found himself closing his eyes, simply enjoying the feel of her soothing fingers against his skin. He could feel his muscle relax in response to her careful ministrations. The sweet sensation seemed to break through the dark emptiness, healing him in some mystical way.

He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it wasn't something wrong, at least it didn't feel wrong. The pressure around his heart was finally beginning to release its hold. It was her hand that were suppressing his inner turmoil, replacing his darkness with something more primal. The infatuation with death was no more, as excitement coursed through his veins. He wanted more; more of this heat that had begun to rise up in the pit of his stomach… it was irresistible.

The pyromaniac had been nothing more than a cool flame, ignorant of his feelings, till this moment. He shook his head, trying to sort out the meaning of this sudden shift, flicking bits of foam across the blonde haired mage's face in the process.

Lucy smiled at the signs of life now emitting from the boy, the sight warmed her heart in a way that set her nerves on edge. Her breath hitched for a moment when she caught the full view of his wet chest. Hastily she finished rinsing the cleansers from his hair, leaving him alone to finish around other _private_ areas. She told him as much while pulling out a towel from the linen cabinet that she placed where he could reach it. Natsu didn't say a word as the blonde exited the room, clothing the door tightly behind her.

The Dragon Slayer exited the bathroom shortly thereafter with a new set of clothes, which he assumed came from the spirit world. He looked from right to left, suddenly filled with apprehension. A shy blush formed over his cheeks as he realized the her had just taken a bath with Lucy; he had been in her bath many times, yes, but something about being under the water at the same time, while she washed him… even if they weren't _bathing_ together sent a ripple of something sinister fluttering in his chest. He actively fought back the blush, wondering through the apartment in search of the spirit mage. When he arrived in the living area, she was there, sitting on her couch with an array of bottles, clothes and what looked like several rolls of gauze spread out across the short coffee table. She beckoned him forward, and he found his feet moving of their own volition.

Once he was in front of the blonde mage, she instructed him to take a seat on the floor. Before he realized what was happening, she had place a warm pink towel over his head, rubbing softly.

Natsu looked up through his lashes to see that she had slid from her seat, and was now kneeling before him, using one of her towels to make sure every strand of hair was completely dry. He knew she had a machine to do this drying, but he didn't protest when he caught the small smile that curled the edges of her plump pink lips into a contented smile.

Lucy revealed in the feel of his soft yet voluminous hair, it was cuter than she would ever dare say aloud. She knew that he could have dried it himself, but she was savoring the feeling that their close proximity were inspiring in her.

The two stared at one another through the process, their minds whirling with unasked questions. Natsu's view was slightly obscured by the towel but he could almost always see her face clearly. A warm, light feeling sat on the edge of the boundaries they had both drawn.

The fire mage felt his pulse quicken every time he got a glimpse of her curvy face, and found his eyes being drawn to specific features. He was looking at her as though it were the first time, it seemed, but why, what was it that was making him feel so uneasy now?

It was fascinating, and yet terrifying, just watching her. He found himself wanting to reach out and feel her, to see if she was soft under his calloused fingers, even if it was only once.. or twice. She was so peaceful and structurally composed. Natsu couldn't resist any longer, the dragon slayer had leaned forward clothing the space between them inch by inch. Fear of rejection made him slow his movements; the last thing he wanted was to frighten her, to make her regret showing him this small bit of kindness. Nevertheless, the aura around them was so intense that it made his mind hazy, so he pressed forward still, casting his fear to the back of his mind.

Finally, Natsu reached out, wrapping his arms around her middle in an embrace that was as tender as the flesh around his wounds. He instinctively buried his face in her shoulder, taking in the aroma that was purely Lucy.

"N-Natsu!?" Lucy felt her face burn scarlet as shock kept her body still against his touch. In response to her outcry the fire mage fixed his arms tighter around her waist, hopping that somehow she would become imbedded with in him. It was rare that he felt this way, so much so that it felt like a rare luxury.

The pounding of his heart resounded in his ears as loud as a marching band, while the sweet burn in his stomach tripled, spreading across his whole being. Oh how he wished for time to stand still so he could revel in this moment for eternity. Nothing else mattered in that moment, nothing but this beautiful emotion.

Lucy didn't think it was possible to turn a deeper shade of red, but somehow she managed it when she felt the edges of the fire mage's mouth against the exposed skin of her shoulder. His labored breathing stirred the tips of her hair, causing goose bumps to rise all over her body.

_What is this?_

She didn't really understand what was happening, all she knew was that he seemed to be grateful, and that she could identify with. Compassion filled the Blonde as she reached her arms forward to return Natsu's embrace.

The simplicity of this action was completely lost in the sheer radiance of the fire mage's happiness. Hesitation disappeared as the rest of the world dissolved, and time seemingly stopped.

The tingling sensation was in full force for both mages now, along with other feelings that the sensation inspired. The fire dragon slayer was only just beginning to understand this incoming affection, as well as the affection that he seemed to be showing himself, that had partially taken over his better judgment. Maybe he had a reason to live after all?

His elation was suddenly cut off, as the feelings of restriction crept up on him… _Damn_. With every second that ticked by he felt the pressure creep back up on him. He didn't want to stop, he knew he was finally close to unraveling some of the other emotions… but were they all really emotions? He silently cursed as memories of the migraines surfaced, acting as a deterrent, he couldn't do this any longer. Even still the feel of the spirit mage under his arms was something precious that felt right in this world of things that felt wrong.

Natsu weighed his options, unsure if either was good for him in the long run. Maybe it was best not to make a decision at all, though he knew he might regret doing so in the near future. He was aware of the foolishness in thinking that Lucy, the fragile blonde haired maiden, could be his possible resolution. It was no different than believing that Mira's kind words could save him.

The fire mage sighed, he was going to return to his ways, because he would cause nothing but problems. He had proved as much all ready. With a heavy heart he pushed the blonde away, staring at the floor.

"I'm….Sorry… I just can't do this anymore…" He whispered into her ear.

The pink haired mage released the everlasting grip to which could have probably solved his dilemma. With the rush of the wind, he opened the apartment window and jumped out of the building yet, once again leaving a very confused stellar mage.

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So, So tired! As well as my Beta reader, a big thanks to Chrys Stone with this 6K chapter. Hoped I've entertained all of you, peace!

And review!

Foxy-boy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hate Me Now**

Author: Demontailedfox

Summary: Where Natsu and Lucy spends time together in Christmas. See how they interact and react to each other. Natsu x Lucy, Slow fluff, romance and love/sort of….

This chapter does not have any connection with the previous or the next chapter!

'Beta'ed by Chris Stone, big thanks to her!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Fairy Tail

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I apologize for being late with this chapter! Supposedly, I should of have released it around December (Christmas). But I had such and such coursework to do….But that's no excuse, forgive me (again).

**Chapter 7 – Christmas**

Christmas is a time where all our hearts grow fonder, where the feelings of joy and harmony are plentiful. It is a week in which we celebrate to the extent of going fully overboard with booze and other pleasures. Sure, it can be relaxing, soothing even, when all the party members got together, but things usually got out of hand when you have a guild called Fairy tail involved.

The fire mage shoved his hands in his pocket, skillfully dodging the obvious mistletoe trap that was obviously the work of one meddlesome Mira-jane. Natsu breathed a sigh once he was safely past the danger, mumbling a curse about idiotic traditions. Overwhelming sounds of joy and merriment reach his ears bringing his attention back to the guild hall.

Natsu sneered at the cheesiness of the whole ordeal; what could they possibly be so happy about anyway. Here and there he caught an exclamation of excitement over the early gifts that was genuine, one of which was little Asuka with a toy gun from the Master. Her little squeals of joy made the fire mage's stomach twist uncomfortably as he watched her chase Pantherlily through the bar. It seemed that everywhere he looked the same embarrassing grin was plastered on his guild mate's faces, as they watched the youngest of the guild enjoy herself.

With a shake of his head the fire mage pushed past his comrades, careful not to alert them to his presence more than was necessary. He averted his eyes when passing couples who had consumed with one another, Cana's special Eggnog at work he presumed.

Finally he reached the bar, and slumped forward on the counter. Mira never took long to notice him, so he'd wait patiently to order his usual, a stiff vintage ale and several shots of fire whiskey. If he continued to be ignored this way he might actually consider ordering some food as well.

"Merry Christmas Natsu!" the barmaid enthusiastically called out to him. "Are you getting me anything this Christmas!?"

The fire mage paled (due to forgetting the most important event that takes place this time of year) he swallowed hard internally shrieking in horror. The 'ceremony of offerings' was essentially required by the white haired demon, it was a well-known fact. This meant that you got her the perfect gift for Christmas or else she would make sure to disregard the fact that you ever lived!

Of course by proxy getting Mira a gift meant that you were also required to provide an equally as impressive present to Erza, or you would suffer a fate worse than death. Oh the joyous wanders of Christmas! If you possess the knowledge of what was absolutely perfect for both females then the next year would be absolutely splendid; but if you were an idiot, pain and misfortune were to be expected.

Natsu had noticed throughout the years that the two mages would judge each other based on the gifts they received. Whoever was presented the best in terms of pricing, aesthetics, and quality usually had the upper hand. It was never the thought that counted, not with those two.

Obviously, the raging and persistent arguing led to a _not so happy_Christmas for the guild. Shattered furniture and dismantled gifts were to be found at every corner in the main hall.

You might say, "They've grown up and they get along with each other now" but if I told you that it still happens till this very day, would you believe me? If you thought that their constant sisterly quarrels would have ended, well, you were wrong.

While reminiscing about Christmas' past and the destruction Mira and Erza usually caused, Mira had already gathered Natsu's usual order. She set a mug under his nose, and placed a large bottle of whiskey next to a fresh shot glass.

"Y-yeah, S-s-sure" he stuttered gulping the whole drink down hoping that she would return to her own business in which she did, surprisingly. Natsu had found another sigh escape from him as the feeling of escaping Mira for a second time rushed over the fire mage. All he had to do was deliver on his word by Christmas; that was a whole week away. Not to mention the fact that she was asking the same question to everyone else, which meant he was in the same boat as several others.

The fire dragon slayer had never hated Christmas before, not till now he realized. The idea of establishing that friend to friend connection seemed pointless in his case, if not cruel. It was nothing more than a fiendish ritual which required a degree in deception that made even him uncomfortable, at least that was how Natsu perceived it.

Many families survived without making a fuss over the event, as there were many who could not afford proper presents for one another. He assumed those individuals probably just ignored this senseless tradition altogether. Who was he to say, other than the presents for the S-class females and the occasional basket of fish he gave to Happy, Natsu himself didn't really participate.

He rubbed his temple as his brow creased in irritation, why was he getting so deep on this topic anyway? It didn't matter to him anymore, there was no one he cared to 'share good tidings' with and he was glad for it.

The fire mage pushed back his fringes, letting the issue go as he allowed his mind to travel elsewhere. He just wasn't in the mood for celebration, so he made quick work of his drink before paying Mira. She gave him a reminder about the present he had promised with a warm smile before saying her goodbyes.

_-A Promise-_

A starry night, the line that lies between dreams and reality; the stellar spirit mage found herself ruminating on a singular question on such a night. Caught off guard, she had been so caught off guard that she was still having trouble sorting it all out. The whole thing still seemed like some sort of dream, a terrifyingly horrible, yet wonderful dream that ended so abruptly.

In all the years she had spent with Natsu, she had never seen him look so vulnerable, not even when they had been trapped in a world where he couldn't use his own magic. If that wasn't enough to boggle her mind, he had willingly hugged her. She felt as though something more might have been hiding beneath the surface of such an action, but what was it?

Over the past couple of months Natsu had shown no such kindnesses or consideration towards anyone else. He seemed as though the only outward emotion he showed now-a-days was anger and irritation. This, as confusing as it was, had to be a sign of a break through. Lucy wondered if she kept pushing from here on, little by little if things would continue forward.

The blonde mage asked these questions often, but never aloud, trying to decipher the actual meaning behind the fire mage's actions and words. After several sleepless nights she resolved to find the fire mage and ask him directly, his ensuing fiery rampage be damned.

She had caught sight of a head of pink hair slipping out the back door of the guild a while before hand, and she assumed that the atmosphere was getting too thick for him. She herself was starting to worry about the random tables that came flying in her direction from a blur of red and white. This was only the second Christmas she had really spent at the guild, but she was already painfully aware to steer clear of Mira and Erza while they had their annual 'I'm better than you' fight.

Lucy carefully slipped from her seat, and made a little noise as possible as she followed in the fire mage's footsteps. Once she made it outside, a brisk wind whipped across her face, momentarily taking her breath away. Mounds of fresh snow still covered the banks of the lake out behind the guild, and Lucy suspected that Natsu was hiding behind one of them.

Luckily for her, his higher than average body temperate lent her a hand, as she caught sight of a trail of foot prints in the snow (more like a path). The blonde pulled her jacket up around her neck, and straightened her thick knitted scarf to protect her from the night's frigid air, once she was satisfied, Lucy continued her search.

The trail lead her to the lake side where the fire mage had his knees drawn close to his chest. Lucy couldn't tell for sure at her current distance, but it looked as though he were staring intently into the black water, possibly thinking about something important.

Lucy drew nearer, being careful not to move to fast, and the closer she became the more apparent it was that Natsu was not in high spirits. The blonde sighed under her breath and slowly lowed herself to her knees on a dry patch near the fire mage. She was careful to give herself the appearance of looking out over the lake, while she discreetly watched him out of the corner of her eye.

The fire mage gazed at the starry night sky wondering if there was a peer above watching him. Although throughout the past he had only tasted the sharp blend of depression and failures. He expected that it couldn't possibly get any more worse. His mind was miles away, allowing him to miss the crunch of heeled boots in the fresh layer of snow.

"Hello stranger." She kept her voice calm and even though her heart was already pounding a mile a minute. "Why are you down here all by yourself on Christmas?" The truth was she didn't need to ask, Natsu was forcing himself to be along, separated for some reason she couldn't understand, and that he would not explain. She could clearly see he was lonely; the sadness was there in his eyes, that much she was sure.

The fire mage raised his head, giving the blonde a weak frown that went unnoticed. Lucy's eyes were fixed on the refection of the stars on the lake, the same place he had been watching moments before. "Why'd you follow me?"

Lucy began to pout as she tilted her head to look at her partner. She narrowed her eyes at the cold tone in his voice, already bristling in anticipation of the fight that might ensue. "Are we really going back to this? All hail the high and mighty Dragon slayer, and ignore the fact that he can be a total knob head from time to time. Natsu Dragneel the almighty, bow before him!" Lucy put on a deep manly tone as she beat against her chest in a mocking manner.

The fire mage took in a deep breath before meeting her eyes. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't pretend like you don't get it." Lucy huffed, letting her cheeks blow up like a puffer fish.

The fire mage brushed a hand through his hair and tried again. "Sorry, should I have… you know what, never mind." He turned his attention back to the lake, picking up a small flat stone and throwing in out across the glassy blackness.

The conversation was dead, so Lucy moved on to a different topic. "The party should be starting soon, did you want to go back in and get something to eat?" She hoped that appealing to his stomach would work better than trying to appeal to his other senses.

"The twin towers of torment are still celebration their ceremony of offerings, not a chance." He shot back without looking at her.

"That's true I suppose, but it's all in good fun in the end; especially when the whole guild gets involved." She hesitated when he shot her a look that meant he wasn't buying it. "I suppose it can't be helped now that you've become like this." She reached over and playfully poked his cheek numerous times in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Become like what?" The fire mage spat, waiting to hear the same reply she always supply.

The blonde sighed, disbelief making her hand itch to connect with his cheek, but she held herself back. Natsu wasn't an idiot anymore; he was baiting her into a fight so that she would leave him alone. It was nearly impossible to fully understand his thoughts these days, but that this was a pattern she was more than familiar with. One moment he could be spiteful and cruel and the next you could practically feel the regret radiating off of him for the things that he said in anger.

"You know what, just for tonight let's not talk about it. Let's just have fun, 'kay?" Lucy flashed a dazzling smile at him, waiting for a reply.

The fire mage was astonished by her words, rendering him practically speechless. Fragments of thoughts were flying everywhere in his mind as he tried to process what she was playing at. Could this really mean they would spend the evening without a quarrel breaking out?

"Don't misunderstand though, this doesn't mean I've given up trying to help you." She winked at him letting her smile ebb just a tad.

Perhaps not, but maybe if he tried they would be able to maintain this calm atmosphere. Her comment amused him on some level, even though he knew it spelled trouble in the near future. He couldn't help the smile that came as his only reply. The feel of it was nearly foreign, like he had not used those muscles in years. It was that wide and goofy grin that Lucy so often accused him of losing and this bothered him to no end, and yet he couldn't make himself stop.

Why? What the hell was wrong with him? What happened to his resolve to act selfishly and uncaring towards others? He didn't have the privilege of feeling cheerful, because it would destroy the character he was trying so hard keep up. He was frustrated on the inside, even if the smile remained on his face.

Why was it always this lone female who could weaken his resolve? How was she able to magnetize him to her so easily? Why must her scent linger in the air like so and why could he sense a difference to it? There were so many questions, but above all he wanted to know why must it always be Lucy Heartfilia?

"Oi Natsu, anybody home?" The celestial mage waved her hand in front of the fire mage rapidly attempting to get a reaction. "Hey, can you wake up now?"

"Huh, oh sorry…" Natsu voice trailed off, as he averted his gaze to the side.

"Imagine that, Natsu apologizing twice in less than an hour. Are you feeling alright there, not like I'm complaining or anything, but it's not like you."

The pink haired mage stood up abruptly, cursing under his breath. A simple _'never mind'_or _'it's nothing'_just wasn't going to cut it this time. He couldn't lie either, no matter how much he was tempted to, because the look on her face was filled with genuine concern. Damn his misguided sense of priorities, and how this woman seemed to send them flying out the window!

"Nothing escapes you now does it?" His tone was laced with sarcasm. "Worrying about things that do not concern you will get you in trouble Lucy. I don't think I really need to say this, but this is one of them at least at the time being." He chanced a side glance at the blonde, and knew instantly that she was not pleased with his answer.

"What?" Her brow knitted in confusion, as she tried to decipher the meaning behind his words. She tried to expand her question but her hesitation kept her mouth shut.

The confusion was clear on her face, and it was obvious that she wanted a better explanation, one he couldn't give her. It wasn't that he didn't want to explain everything to her, but the complexity of his situation made it difficult to grasp himself, let alone explain it himself. He was aware of his own hypocrisy since he had been spending more time than anyone else to try and figure out the circumstances of his situation.

It was frustrating to say the least; he wasn't sure where to go now that he had practically ended their conversation yet again. He was almost sure that the evening of fun the blonde had requested was doomed by this point.

"You know what, forget what I just said. Tell me how your day went instead, alright?" The boy reached down doodling in the snow with his index finger, hoping that he could change the topic and save the first bite of normal human contact he had experienced in months. It was oddly comfortable, even though the topics of conversation continued to leave much to be desired.

Lucy cocked her head to the side, battling with her own indecision about what she would do next. Still, the blonde was unsure about what the fire mage was playing at, which made it harder for her to move forward with a decision of her own.

'_Take the bait!'_was all he could think of.

"I suppose" she started to trail of, "I suppose… it was great, I received a blue fold fountain pen from Levy. Pretty exquisite if you ask me! As for the other presents, I have yet to open them. How about you, what was your day like?"

"Same old same old, I don't expect anything so sudden to happen, even on Christmas day." He replied uncaringly.

"Did you get any presents then?" the stellar mage quickly responded keeping the conversation alive.

In all honesty Lucy would have been surprised more if he had received something, what with how the guild had been avoiding him as one mass recently. Possibly Mira would have given him a gift out of kindness, but then again she was so focused on her rivalry with Erza that it would have slipped her mind. She felt bad for asking the question once her train of thought finally brought her back to the idea that Natsu was having a lonely Christmas in more ways than one. It honestly wasn't her fault, but now the question seemed rather insensitive.

Natsu made himself less visible to avoid some of the awkwardness of the situation. He knew that his tone would betray him when he spoke, so he chose his words carefully. He would play it off like he didn't care to lessen the damage it would cause to the already tense atmosphere.

This discussion was clearly going nowhere, and the fire mage resolved to fix that.

"The answer would be no, not really…" He kept his eyes averted in the direction of the lake. "Though I guess you staying with me instead of going to the party kind of counts, right? So, um thanks." He swallowed hard as he watched out of the corner of his eye for a reaction.

She smiled at his compliment, titling her head one side.

"You should go on in; you've missed enough of the party already. I bet their missing you too." The fire mage got to his feet, dusting off the seat of his pants before starting to walk away at a slow and steady pace. He honestly didn't know why but he didn't really want to leave.

"Wait!"

Lucy began to feel nervous, as she slid her hand into the folds of her jacket. She had been waiting for the perfect moment, but something was holding her back. It wasn't like she hadn't given Natsu a Christmas present before, so why all of a sudden was she feeling so… embarrassed? What did she have to be embarrassed about anyway?

Natsu turned on his heel with one eyebrow quirked. He muttered a quick _'what is it'_before shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Idiot, I've been meaning to give you this since I came out here, don't leave without it." She spoke with determination knowing that it was now or never.

The pink haired mage turned slowly as his eyes gazed remotely on the rectangular parcel she had in her hands. It was wrapped delicately as the ribbon was tied with precision forming the perfect knot. It gleamed in the darkness as he reached out to guess the inside contents.

The pink haired idiot made his way back to where the blonde was standing, examining the small rectangular parcel that she was grasping. It was wrapped with a bight paper and tied with a beautifully executed bow that looked like it took delicate hands to accomplish. It gleamed in the starlight, as cheerful as the blonde who was presenting it with a bright smile.

"Merry Christmas Natsu" she whispered just loud enough for him hear.

"What is it?"

"That's for you to find out" Lucy pointed out with a giggle.

He felt a shiver of guilt as he inspected the box more closely, because he had not prepared anything in return. Somewhere deep down he knew that she would be the one person to get him a gift, so why hadn't he thought to prepare for this? His brain was screaming for him to get out of the situation all together (he should at least try to). Again, something else was saying that it wasn't too late, he could pick something small up the next day, or even now if he hurried.

He didn't fully understand, but he was more disappointed that he had forgotten to get her a gift than he was that she was the only one to give him one. Why was that?

Regaining his composure, the fire mage let out a sigh. "You know I don't have a gift for you, right?" The blonde nodded her head, still smiling. "Why do you bother at all?" He sounded slightly defeated, but somewhere in his tone Lucy could have sworn it sounded as though he were grateful.

"I wanted to get you a gift, and I did." She chuckled, swinging both hands back whilst leaning towards the fire mage. "I wanted to make you happy, even if the likelihood of that happening is slim. Nothing else matters other than that."

The unsatisfying feeling of unfairness was bitter on the fire mage's tongue. How could he accept such a gift with nothing to give in return, and after everything he had put her through? It should have been the other way around, with him presenting her a beautiful package dressed in a ribbon in her favorite blue. He exhaled noisily showing both his regret and his apologies towards the spirit mage.

"But I really can't accept this, Lucy."

"How about you'll get me anything I wish for?" she asked promisingly.

"It depends on what it is."

"I can't tell you that." The blonde seemed to be enjoying this part a little more than she should have.

"Just give me a hint?" he started "Does it require me to say something, particularly about myself?"

"Nope" she shot back at him.

"Well that's good, I guess it's something physical rather than verbal" the fire dragon slayer commented with ease thankful that he didn't have to talk about his _'situation'_. "How big is this thing?"

"Not that big…"

"How much does it cost?" he questioned.

"Nothing at all."

"Wait a minute, you're telling me you want something small that doesn't cost a single jewel, how is that even possible?" The fire mage began trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but failed to do so. Her so called hints were far too confusing; it made no sense at all. What could she be after? Wait, why did he even agree to this in the first place?

"Is there any more hin-"

The stellar mage cut him off whilst tackling him with a cuddle. "All I wanted was a hug Natsu."

He staggered on the spot, the shock of her attack nearly sending him sprawling on the ground. The feeling he had experienced during the hug in her apartment was quickly returning, though he was still too stunned to respond. Confused and silenced by her actions, Natsu just stood there in her embrace, trying to process what was actually happening.

The blonde mage raised her head slightly, amused by the look of bewilderment that was plastered to the fire mage's face. "Now we're even." She winked at him, arms still wrapped securely around his well-toned body. She could feel the warmth radiating off of him like a space heater, even with their layers of clothing between them. Was that normal? Nevertheless, she enjoyed being in that position, and had secretly longed for it since the day they had first embraced. Her heart was pounding, pumping adrenaline through her system. She was sure that it was pound so loudly that Natsu could hear it, if not feel it. He was still frozen in shock so it didn't matter, or so she assumed.

She reveled in the sensation of their racing heart beats. It was something he couldn't hide, it felt like a breakthrough compared to how secretive he was all the time. She wanted to know more, to know everything there was to know, but she knew Natsu wouldn't share it with her. He wasn't ready to verbalize it, not yet. This contact was as close as she had gotten in the past few months, and at that moment it was enough.

Natsu's stomach was churning all over the place. That sensation was back in full force, stirring up unanswered questions from before. Feeling it again was interesting, but he didn't really care. His attention was on the grateful smile the blonde was giving and the way it radiated an aura of harmony around them. Compassion filled his heart, though his mind remained closed off. For some unknown reason he didn't want something like this to happen again, but he decided since it was Christmas, that he would let it go.

"Merry Christmas, Natsu." The stellar mage whispered in the end before saying goodbye to him.

Opening the parcel with care, one side at a time, the fire mage eventually figured out what was inside. The rectangular shaped box held within a picture frame that already held a photograph. There, within the picture stood two smiling people, one male and one female. The male subject had his arms draped around the woman's neck as they smiled cheerfully at the camera.

It was a portrait of Lucy and himself; just the two of them.

The fire mage smirked at the picture frame before returning his eyes towards the starry skies "Merry Christmas Lucy."

Maybe he did like Christmas after all.

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Again, I like to apologize for the lateness, I'll try to get one on time next week as well will I get to the point why Natsu's persona differs from his original self.

Thanks to all the reviewers!


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